yup emotional immaturity's biggest hurdle for us is their inability to empathize, and being egocentric as you said.
they dont see the other side's POV.
You are also correct that it is usually created in some early childhood trauma, when their neurological system and character was developing. Feeling abandoned by one of the 2 parents or overprotection, not being punished or being held accountable. Why we picked them up in the first place says something about us as well. We are the fixers. I am an engineer in real life so it kinda makes sense that I would love a "project". But these are sanity threatening issues to us. There is so much one can put up with when dealing with an emotionally stunted individual.
Usually we end up catching their anger and traits ratther than them getting any "cure" from us.
Similar to your case, my best friend is her father these days who calls me daily to see how I am holding up the fort. He knows his dauther has gone WW as she has stopped talking to him too. Accusations at him too. The whole world is at fault lately for her suffering. She has no part in this from her POV.
Had to look up the term limerence. Wow that is what mine has. She has a whole diary devoted to this other man. She even lit some candles around the house with needles in them (some voodoo instructions she googled i am sure) . When I told my psychologist, he said it was classical traits of an immature person.
The lies. OMG. She has a PhD in lies it seems. They are in cloud cuckoo so to say.
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However up until Dday, she never communicated to me she wasn't happy, we were certainly having sex and sleeping in the same room. She told all her and my family how much she loved me and how wonderful a husband i was... All the way up to Dday.
Come on Manta. now its as if you are really speaking of my own wife exactly.!!
The psychologist told me he had told her to communicate these things to me. She never did. In her mind though she made many many efforts. (in reality there were weeks of giving me the shoulder, shrugs, cursing at me, and crying alone - I thought PMS related) That was the extend of all her communication to me.
I also am at that point of feeling dehumanized. I cry daily. Trying to detach. A bit more each day. We also have a kid so its a bit trickier for us.
And yes rest assured their fantasy world will burn and they will be left worse than when we met them. I actually already feel sorry for them if you can believe it. Cause I know deep down they want to try but they cant function or cope with emotions. Know that they have moments of clarity where they see the truth. Even for a glimpse.
Yeah I never got a chance either. I actually asked her to create a list. Aced all of those issues and then after 4 months of my efforts she said, "oh i could add a million more issues, no reason to work on anything".
Seems you have a had a bit more time than me. Its only been since xmas for me. So I am still trying to cope.
Final note, as I write this, I am back from the police station where she has yet filed another report on me. She was cursing me earlier and I told her to stop or I will get angry and not be held responsible. For my actions. She said that was a threat. It was enough for the police. I almost got arrested. Thank God the police officer took a liking to me and told me to just get the divorce with her and let her move on for my sanity.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
