My Story Part 3

[Manta]

Sorry to hear about your situation gzabetas. Sounds like your W, is unstable and it's best to keep detached and GAL right now. That's what i have done and i have come through the fire.

My WW is very Emotionally Immature. Even before the A, she would say "I like animals more than humans" or weird stuff like that. It's like they can't empathize with other people's pain or suffering. They're very egocentric people, who believe the world revolves around them. They have their own little world and like to control it very tightly.

I believe there is a lot of baggage from her past, unresolved issues. Her only brother is in his very late 20's, is still a virgin, never has kissed a girl and lives at home with his parents in his childhood bedroom still. He loves gaming and is an introvert. He is a wonderful guy, who I really like and did my best to be like a "brother" to him. He is smart, intelligent and handsome. I know that he could meet any woman, but is so shy and insecure, he can't make that move. He isn't gay, which doesn't even matter, just shy. The parents are kind and loving, but perhaps too soft.
WW's parents basically spoilt them both growing up. Very protective of them. While WW went wild, WW's Brother didn't. WW would always say she wanted a marriage like her parents.

I love WW's family very much, but perhaps these issues stem back to how they were brought up.

Being emotionally immature at 33 years of age is quite common these days. People refuse to grow up and take responsibility for themselves and how their actions affect others.

I still don't think my WW "gets it"... She has no idea of the pain and suffering she has caused so many people, my family, her little nephews and niece's and friends. I had to deal with the little ones saying "Aunty WW is with her mother at the moment"... They asked for months and months, which was very emotional for me. WW cut my family out of her life like a bad habit.

She basically cheated, got caught in the act and had no leg to stand on, perhaps she never intended to, but in order to deal with what she did cognitive dissonance kicked in last August. Typical of someone in Limerence. I'm sure i have and am vilified and portrayed as a bad Husband etc. The number of lies she told her AP last summer, was astonishing also. She sold him a story of how we were both living in different bedrooms, not having sex anymore and she was going to divorce me. Perhaps this was done to open the door per se, in making him comfortable in being with a married woman.

However up until Dday, she never communicated to me she wasn't happy, we were certainly having sex and sleeping in the same room. She told all her and my family how much she loved me and how wonderful a husband i was... All the way up to Dday.

I was completely dehumanized by my WW. No empathy or genuine remorse for what she did. After i kicked her out, which i really had no choice, she moved in with her work colleague. Stayed there for a few months until moving back to her country to live with the AP. There was little to no communication for almost 6 months. Imagine getting a WhatsApp message on a Sunday morning last September saying "i want a divorce"......

I know in my heart and soul this won't work out for her and AP. There has been no self-reflection or work done on herself or him. They both have rushed into a relationship born out of cheating and lies.

She will do the same things to him as she did to me. Probably worse!

I imagine one day, this guy who is also a cheater will probably get tired of her actions and emotional outbursts. All the pressure is on my WW to make this R work now with her AP. If he leaves her or cheats on her, she knows that she has no way back anymore. She's going on 33 tomorrow, it's not a good story to tell others on "how we met". They won't exactly be welcomed with open arms, wherever they go.

Where she is living, AP's EXGF is also living. I know that she has told lots of mutual friends of what my WW and her EXBF did. So even WW moving to his town, it's not going to be pretty. That stench will follow them for the rest of their lives.

WW has not once said to me, can we work on this, can you give me 1 chance. Nothing. No marriage counseling, or any effort to help me heal. She abandoned me and everything we had built through the years, for a guy she met only 2-3 times. That's scary. I know in my heart i could never do to her, what she did to me.

I have been on my own healing since last summer and have come a long way.