I think that's where I am at. I want to be unselfish and I can see - plain as anything - that he's not himself. He was paying for something at one of those self-checkins on Saturday evening and he couldn't work the machine - it was like he was drunk. It's the shift work, and the writing work he needs to do (he's a med student in the midst of placement and finals) and he's just not managing the sleep deprivation. And I want to be kind to him. I really do. And I am so, so, so afraid that being kind means leaving him alone, and making peace with not having my needs met, and holding my breath and hoping that things will be different when I've hoped for that for so long.
But I don't have much choice. I could set in motion a divorce, but that will change nothing at all about my day to day life right now.
