Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

I see you making excuses for your W going out so much. As a mother, I have to wonder how she could be away from her two year old baby that much. On the other hand, as a former WW, I see a lot of familiar signs that shout rebellion. Whatever is going on with this woman, she's acting out in rebellion. It concerns me that you try to be okay it, and even look at another M where the woman is bisexual and think if her H can live that way, then you can too. If that's what you really want........then who are we to try and suggest something else? However, I think if you were okay with it, you wouldn't be here. And the difference in that other H & W from you and your W........his bisexual W is going home and having sex with him, and your W doesn't want sex with you. I suggest this is more than someone who is simply experimenting with the same sex.

It's interesting that it comes across that way because I've mostly been furious about the going out. Until this year I'd have said she was an excellent mother. But she first reached a point of largely ignoring D2 b/c constantly on the phone at home. Now she's out a lot.

Agree 100% about rebellion. I have always been pretty good at being objective and I think she was very unhappy before. She felt, rightly, that she had too much of the burden of D2 and housework. She also felt, I believe unfairly, that I wasn't contributing financially. She had a tough job she hated and no energy even before D was born and sleep disappeared. Now, with a new and less exhausting job, she has the energy to go out apparently and she sure is doing it. This is a lifestyle she never really wanted until we had a child and it seemed like she couldn't. Anger built at me and her life in general and she became, by her own words, cold, hard, and selfish. And she's proud of it. I find it unacceptable even where I am concerned but particularly as concerns D2.

My friend with the bisexual wife recently reminded me of their arrangement. Apparently he's not threatened because it's different anatomy and he doesn't consider it a threat. And it turns him on. I said I didn't believe I could do it but, in any event, his wife hadn't stopped having sex with him. In fact, having heard how miserable I am in my sexless marriage, she's been having more sex with him so they never reach this point. Glad some good has come of this.

Agree completely there's more than just a desire to experiment. Her real issue is deep unhappiness with our MR and our life, and she's built up a wall against me.

You've probably heard how couples have to learn to compromise in M. Don't be misled and think that means you have to compromise your core values, self respect, integrity, etc. As long as you are honest with yourself and true to your own self worth, then your boundary lines won't get buried beneath the b.s. your W is dishing up and serving. Don't you think it's time you evaluate where you draw the line in being disrespected? How long are you willing to play along with her selfish behavior, deny you sex, and leave you basically raising your child alone? That's up to you. From where I sit, I wonder even if this was some type of flash in the pan where she got it out of her system, so to speak.........would she respect what she had in a H when she was ready to settle down and take her role of wife and mother seriously? Nice guys want to believe the W will respect them for how much they put up with, but that's not the case when she's behaving badly.

Agree. My self-worth has taken a hit in recent years. I feel largely responsible for us getting to the point we did last summer, but I believe her actions since have been unacceptable. Like I said, I'm trying to hold on to keep my relationship with D2. People here say it takes a long time and 7 months is nothing.

W used to admire and adore me. A lot has happened and right now she definitely does not respect me. I don't think she will respect me more for putting up with her crap, but I also don't yet think leaving is the right decision. I never expected to be in anything like this situation. Not just with the MR but financially, etc.