Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

Thanks so much, Sandi. Here goes.

If you were not financially dependent on your W's income, would we see you taking different actions from what you are currently doing?

It would be an entirely different situation. I would not be thrilled at not living with D2 every day, but I would be much more open to one of us staying elsewhere for a time. As it is, my only real option would be to go stay with family several hours away and not see my D every day. I'm trying to get a better job situation so I have some additional options.

I read on Gordie's thread (I think), when he decided not to move out, about this being the equivalent of the bullet you take for your child. Right now I stay for D2.

If your W had a "crush" on OM, would you react differently than knowing it's a woman?

Ethically and morally, I see no difference in terms of infidelity (I still don't know that a PA has happened but what has happened is bad enough).. At a low point I happened to learn of my friends' little arrangement. Because I thought there was a higher likelihood that she'd later resent not having explored the interest in women if we R, I briefly considered if I could accept some limited contact. I've since learned that I can't and certainly not while I'm being frozen out.

Do you have personal boundaries in place? What would she have to do that would be the last straw for you? I mean, how much disrespect will you endure until you've had enough?

I sure used to. I've been in a number of longish relationships before this one. No sex and, to my knowledge, my partner having a serious interest in others are things that never happened. Had they happened I never would have stuck around this long. I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

Back then ending a relationship might have been painful but a clean break was pretty easy. I never cohabitated before, no shared finances, no marriage vows, and obviously no child. I've been willing to stick it out through a lot more in this situation than I ever would have before. Multiple times I thought about leaving and then looked at all my photos of D2 and thought of all the moments I would have missed. It has been awful and I am trying to figure out where my limit is. Advice has generally been not to move out and I don't think W will either, so it's a stalemate.

More to follow in next post.