So I guess what I am saying is, I don't know if I want to continue being with this woman who was in my life for 17 years. I am giving it some time to decide but that is the feeling i have had for a few weeks.
Don't put pressure on yourself to decide if you want to "continue" being with her. The truth is that you aren't together as man & wife now. You don't want to settle for bosom pals. Time has a way of helping us make decisions. You have made some wonderful improvements......especially not drinking. I think that is marvelous. You may outgrow your W. and discover your feelings do not extend more than caring for her as the mother of your children. On the other hand, the two of you may spend a few years apart and you both heal and find you still love each other.
I don't know if it's the feelings you are trying to let go......or if you are still clinging to hope she'll discover she wants to end her affair and reconcile the MR. I'm glad you know what you would require should that transpire. Realistically, I think she's going to have to be out of the MR and experience life without you. She's got to realize how bad this so-called BFF is for her, and end that relationship once and for all. She's got to figure it out for herself, you can't tell her. I think it is more difficult for women to end their friendships that have that type of influence, than ending their affair. They may give up the OM, but they will choose the BFF over the H. That shows the unhealthy mindset and influence of that whole dynamic. You can't heal her. You can only heal yourself.
Keep growing! ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
