Really happy for you that your W seems to have recognized what it is she has lost. I agree with the advice on here about not jumping back into things. It is super important that she take responsibility for her part in things (and you for your part) and do the work. I don’t know if you have read my sitch but I actually had two bomb days...the first was four years before the second. My H woke up one day saying he was unhappy, wasn’t living the life he was supposed to live, etc... At the time, I told him it was financially impossible and that he needed to figure things out. I stepped back and for six months he went to counselling, joined a men’s group, backed out of a trip to Hawaii that I went on anyway and then even left for one month before coming home and announcing he was better, loved me again and wanted to stay. I was so relieved that he was back, I just let him move back in and took him at his word that his “crisis” was over. I tried to talk to him a few times about it but he would just claim “foggy brain” and didn’t want to talk about it because he was embarrassed. In hindsight, I should not have allowed him back home so easily and I should have insisted that we go to counselling, etc... but I didn’t. Turns out, his crisis was not over and what followed was four years of me being physically and emotionally abandoned by him (too much to explain in this post how that happened) and his creation of a “double life”, the details of which I will never know. By the time BD #2 occurred, he was too immersed in his other life to even conceive of returning or working on our relationship. I’ve accepted it and am doing really well but it isn’t lost on me that my kids have had to accept less than what they deserve because of our failings.
So...my advice to you is to be really, really cautious and don’t give up the gains you have made without some work on her part (and more on yours too). It would be really, really easy to fall back into old routines and for old resentments to resurface if you just let her come home. As others have said...there is still much work to be done by her and also by the two of you together. If you are still willing, it is important that the two of you create a new marriage rather than return to the old one. That marriage is over and it should stay that way. Date each other, go to counselling, talk, make new vows (eventually) and do not rush into anything. You got this!!! If you both do the work, I think you can go on to have a great marriage. Best of luck to you!!! (((HUGS)))
