Lost

[Jac12]

So even though things have progressed to an extent, my W is still not sure what she wants. I thought I'd list a few of the updates and I would love advice:

- her father passed away last Tuesday after his battle with cancer.
- My W recently told me she was at peace with his death for selfish and unselfish reasons. The selfish reasons being she feels like she's been grieving this for 3 years (since diagnosis) and now can move on.
- She often says things in the future that involve both of us ex. maybe we'll get a bigger dog or if things work out I'd love to live here (next town over) or we can go this trip together
- She still lives in her condo but has been in our house for the last week since her dad passed, along with her mom so we could be near family.
- She still sees her therapist
- even though we have a son, she's taking a 4 or 5 day trip next week alone to recover from her exhaustion

We talked tonight as I wanted to set some boundaries regarding our living situation. When I asked her what her intent was after the service this Saturday she said she wasn't sure if she would stay here or go back to her condo. She said she might stay here sometimes and her condo at others and her therapist agreed that she wasnt' fully ready to move in just yet.

My response was this: "W, I also don't feel like you are fully ready to move in and I also think it's confusing to our son if you are back and forth between places. I think you should stay at your condo until you are ready to move back in for good but hopefully we can start MC and go on some dates and reconnect".

She then went on to say that she understands my viewpoint. She's not sure if this will work out or not as the cuts are too deep. She says she was made to feel guilty by me for not having dinners ready, or watching too much tv and not working out (I validated and apologized for making her feel that way).

We both understand we need to communicate better and set some expectations moving forward.

I've been way too helpful over the last few weeks as her father was in hospice and then passed on. But I'm supposed to be as her father died and I should be there to support our family no matter what. I worry though that I've become a doormat and she doesn't respect me. I also feel like she's showing a lot of selfish tendencies still and she is nowhere near the point of begging for me back. She knows I'm here if she wants me.

Moving forward, whats the advice? Here's my plan:

1) Stand firm on living arrangements
2) GAL
3) Validate her when she's sharing her feelings about our relationship
4) Openly communicate my feelings when asked
5) Stay positive and upbeat in interactions - fake it til you make it.

Thanks!