Last attempt. OrangeK v.2

[OrangeK]

I honestly feel like detachment, for me, only truly occured in the last few months. Since Jan and the start of 2019.
I had told myself that achieved detachment so many times and had been deceiving myself. This past court date really illustrated this to me, as all previous court dates i was always consumed with thoughts of ex-wife as the court date approached and as I was actually in the courthouse. How would she look? Does this make her feel guilt? does she regret any of this? however this past court date was different. I was still nervous but I could definitely sense a very different feeling in the nerves, it was not deep in my gut like it has been when related to her, it was normal palms sweaty simple nervousness. once it was time to enter the courtroom mind Focus was entirely on the judge and her attorneys. She may as well have not been in the room. I can also say this is the first time that I have seen her in person since our separation that I did not have the thought of physical attraction on my mind. Honestly she really doesn't even look like the person that I used to know. She wasnt relevant. She wasnt looming in my mind.

In more important news, its almost hiking season and my D&D game is going amazingly.
S4 and I have a long list of spring fun to tackle.