I think that's the problem - he just can't seem to help himself when it comes to blame (well, we're only in this position because of X, Y, Z) or criticism. I'm probably over sensitive to it. But when I have really clearly asked him for encouragement or comfort, and given him examples of what I would like, he then accuses me of controlling him and attempting to police what he's allowed to say. It all gets really really reactive when it comes down to Eldest because we both feel so strongly about it.
This sounds like a perfect place to calmly and firmly say “ when you say this it makes me feel (what you feel)“ I am not very good at mine reading how that made you feel with regards to eldest how do you think you can get to a point where you support each other in your aims? This seems to be a big one for you ? Is that correct?
with regards to eldest how do you think you can get to a point where you support each other in your aims? This seems to be a big one for you ? Is that correct?