I think that's the problem - he just can't seem to help himself when it comes to blame (well, we're only in this position because of X, Y, Z) or criticism. I'm probably over sensitive to it. But when I have really clearly asked him for encouragement or comfort, and given him examples of what I would like, he then accuses me of controlling him and attempting to police what he's allowed to say. It all gets really really reactive when it comes down to Eldest because we both feel so strongly about it.
Meeting with school went well. And yes - I agree with you about avoiding punishment and that's the advice I am getting from family therapist and from school too. Clear expectations, consistent consequences and boundaries. H has always been a bigger fan of punishment and old school methods and has felt unsupported when I've disagreed, but we do have a working plan now so at least there's that.
I texted H to say I was sorry for my part in things going wrong in our last conversation. He said he was sorry too, and was feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated. That is new. I am totally done in.
