Pretty sure we've gone over this before, but again, NOTHING YOU DO RIGHT NOW IS GOING TO BE ANYTHING BUT CRAP TO HER. Read that. Understand it. Burn it into your mind. Her perception of you right now is this: you are lower than dirt to her. She doesn't like you and may even hate you. You are responsible for every bad thing in her life, ever. Heck it's probably your fault that a bully stole her lunch money in the 3rd grade. Right now you are coming here every time you interact with her and basically saying "I'm DB'ing and she's still being mean, why isn't it working?" It isn't working because the results aren't instant. The results take TIME. A lot of it. It rarely has immediate impact.
So what do you do? You give her zero ammo to hate you. You do that by pulling back and leaving her alone, but doing it in a polite, respectful, loving way. Don't be cold and indifferent. You walked in and sat elsewhere and didn't say anything to her until she said hi to you. That's not giving her space, that's being cold and indifferent. Sit next to her, it won't kill you. You are still coparents. Sure if she has some OM there then sit elsewhere. But if she's alone then sit with her. Do you want S and D seeing parents united in support of them or sitting on opposite sides of the room like something out of War of the Roses?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
