I thought I should do a quick update . We have still been spending a lot of time together. My intel has been pretty accurate and I have kept things checked with some outside help . Now I feel as if I am beginning to not care and will let her go . With all the self care and working out at the gym I have a certain vigour building, I haven’t had the joy of being intermit with a lady for a long while and it has been a bit unpleasant with some leakage !!! ( gross)
I am contemplating whether it is a good thing to R as I don’t think I will be able to forgive and forget easily what has occurred. It seems unfair that I give and never receive. This is a big issue with how I behave, always giving , listening and understanding, when no one reciprocates . If I give any truth out it always ends I tears and I think I am beginning to not care .
How good it would be to have a kind caring partner. Without this forum I honestly believed there were no good people out there .
I will not settle for any Relationship that is not 2 way . I just see so many selfish people in this world and I think I need to understand where like minded people will be that I can interact with .
Next step is to get into meditation and see where that takes me . Love to all you good people
Focus on yourself. Stop doing stuff for others with an expectation that they will appreciate it and value it.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I am contemplating whether it is a good thing to R as I don’t think I will be able to forgive and forget easily what has occurred. It seems unfair that I give and never receive. This is a big issue with how I behave, always giving , listening and understanding, when no one reciprocates . If I give any truth out it always ends I tears and I think I am beginning to not care .
I think its okay to put your emotions on hold the best you can and not let them overwhelm you while you go through this. being put through the ringer is no fun. we have to find ways to deal with this the best way we can, one day at a time.
Originally Posted by Tryhard
How good it would be to have a kind caring partner. Without this forum I honestly believed there were no good people out there .
I will not settle for any Relationship that is not 2 way . I just see so many selfish people in this world and I think I need to understand where like minded people will be that I can interact with .
Next step is to get into meditation and see where that takes me . Love to all you good people
There are plenty of good people in the world outside of here. GAL and go meet them. I know there are some near you. People are not one sided. There's good and bad in all of us. I hear you though. You're hurting and it makes things look grim. It will get better.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
I am contemplating whether it is a good thing to R as I don’t think I will be able to forgive and forget easily what has occurred. It seems unfair that I give and never receive. This is a big issue with how I behave, always giving , listening and understanding, when no one reciprocates . If I give any truth out it always ends I tears and I think I am beginning to not care .
Hello TryHard. I have these thoughts a lot too. I don't think it's a bad idea to think about what kind of relationship you want going forward (accepting if you can, it might not be with your W). It is important to me too to be able to ask for things, to have some of my emotional needs met in a partnership, to be able to support someone else, to feel needed a little bit now and again, to have reciprocity and honesty. These aren't bad things. What I need to accept is that for many complicated reasons, that kind of relationship isn't on the table right now. So I need to concentrate on myself, on being the kind of person I want to be. I want to be kind - to be able to offer kindness without expecting or requiring anything in return. For the kindness I offer to be unconditional and not part of a manipulative strategy. To be able to withdraw and take care of my own needs or find other ways of having them met if the relationship doesn't offer that. To be able to tell the truth without using it as a weapon. I want to be that person not because I think it will win H back, but because I've spent a lot of time attempting to manipulate or control H into being kind and affectionate towards me, and I don't like myself when I am dishonest like that.
It is really really hard. Maybe my experience isn't useful to you - but just in case it is I thought I'd post it. I hope you're well and having a good weekend.
Quick update The last 2 weeks have been interesting. We have spent the last 2 weekends together and there has been no physical contact with OM.I cannot be sure of other means but she did hang up on him when he rang the first weekend. We ml twice the last weekend instigated by her . Been a bit of spew but nothing I couldn’t handle .
We had a talk last night and she questioned my motifs, whether she could trust me and told me she felt I was stopping her from seeing her friends .
Of course I am keeping an eye to make sure and explained that I was hurt emotionally, but if she didn’t sleep with oms then I was happy for her to socialise how she wants . She told me she felt it wasn’t right that I had this stipulation!!!
I have been having trouble sleeping and eating still and she has noticed. Even though things have improved sitch wise I am still struggling
I need to not smother her and give her a break , which will be easier as she is going away with Sd and Sd friend for 10 days to visit her parents. This will give me some time to regroup and get the focus back .
When I am with her everything is fine , I can sleep and eat , without her .....
Of course I am keeping an eye to make sure and explained that I was hurt emotionally, but if she didn’t sleep with oms then I was happy for her to socialise how she wants . She told me she felt it wasn’t right that I had this stipulation!!!
When I read $hit like this it makes me very angry. As my husband you have know right to tell me not to sleep with other men. WTF????? She's playing you for a fool and you keep spoon feeding her cake and the more cake you feed her the more respect she loses for you. I would also table the talks about how you are emotionally hurt right now.
Originally Posted by Tryhard
Even though things have improved sitch wise I am still struggling
TH, I think LH's point is that 2 weekends doesn't improvement make. When will you know she is done with the A and really ready to come back to the MR? When you see consistent behavior over a long period of time.
And her telling you things like you told us in: "We had a talk last night and she questioned my motifs, whether she could trust me and told me she felt I was stopping her from seeing her friends .
Of course I am keeping an eye to make sure and explained that I was hurt emotionally, but if she didn’t sleep with oms then I was happy for her to socialise how she wants . She told me she felt it wasn’t right that I had this stipulation!!! "
is not consistent behavior!! No WAW/WW that has shown improvement still says things like this.
So trust but verify. Continue working on yourself. Do not reacttach based on her initiating sex twice. WWs are master manipulators.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are right Steve , that is why I am keeping a close eye . It helps she is a terrible liar . She will have an opportunity on Saturday as I am GAL until quite late .
I need to get the respect and attraction back . I am tall and slim build, so losing 3 stone was not a good look . Got 1 back quite easily, kinda stalled at the moment. Eating approx. 3k Cals a day .
Attraction I am ok(ish) still learning.....
Respect I struggle with and seem clueless any ideas anyone?
