That sounds really really hard. And there's perhaps a boundary to be made there too, about being authentic to your own feelings.
It sounds like your true feelings are a mixture - you appreciate that he's a hard worker, but you also really resent the fact that his working patterns have negatively impacted his relationship with you and the children and that he doesn't seem to appreciate that or be willing to make a change to benefit his family. Would it help things for you to fake gratitude when actually there's a whole lot of very reasonable resentment in there too?
I don't know what the answer is. I only ask because I am mulling over the same thing myself. I am trying to show gratitude too - because I know H has felt unappreciated. But there are things he's done, and is still doing, that have really caused harm and he's not able to acknowledge them. And I am really frustrated about that. I want to be honest, not fake. And I know being honest doesn't mean sharing every single thought and feeling that goes through my head with H and expecting him to deal with it all to my timescale.
Very hard. How anyone makes a marriage work is beyond me. I hope you enjoy your garden today. It's raining here but I am going to get the puppy out on a walk anyway because I need the space.
