I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and that you've got some nice things planned for yourself today. You've been at this longer than I have, but I've noticed that I can deal with the marriage situation and the sadness and uncertainty perfectly well most days, but then if there's something else - me feeling sick, or a problem at work, or the kids being difficult - then it's the marriage situation that starts to attract all of my sadness even though it hasn't changed that much. It's just the last straw sometimes. If you're an Acts of Service person it isn't surprising you feel a bit emotionally neglected as he's not there to show you love in that kind of way. Do you think he'd understand all his working to be a way of making you all financially secure and a kind of Act of Service? It sounds like it's more of an obsession or a crutch than anything else, but I guess it could be both, to him.
Do you know what your H's love language is?
We did the quiz together a few weeks before he moved out. His is Acts of Service - hands down. Mine is Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I know for a long time he would busy himself elsewhere in the house cleaning or doing some domestic task and I would be waiting in the bedroom for him feeling horrifically rejected and like he was avoiding me and being deliberately evasive. Some nights I would come home from work exhausted and I'd really want a hug and a conversation, and he'd put me in a room on my own and bring me a drink and leave me to it, and I'd feel like an animal that had been locked in a hutch - though he was trying to give me quiet and space because that's what he'd want in that situation. I don't know if we need to understand each other better or we're just not, at a basic level, very compatible. I've been working on doing Acts of Service for him - in the hope it communicates my love for him in the way that he understands it - but that leaves me with a lot of vulnerable and resentful feelings to process.
