I do understand the turmoil you are in. I think we all do. So just know that you are understood and heard.
But I would agree that you are grasping and it won't work. So I implore you to save your energy and simply tread water. That's your goal right now. Stay afloat.
You can't flip a switch, but you CAN progress slowly. You won't wake up one day feeling everything is right in the world and that you fully understand and accept your W's actions. But you can inch your way there. You can be sure you have tiny moments in your day that are positive or grateful.
I see that you are very intent on a future R with W. If this is your mindset I'd say the best thing you can do is to really focus your thoughts on what she needs right now so that she feels heard. She has told you she needs to leave. You don't have to like it but you have to allow it. Accepting her leaving (or trying to accept) is validation.
I understand your feelings that if you don't do something right now you will lose the opportunity. Just know that is not true. There isn't a magic bullet that you have somehow missed.
I'm sorry that you are in so much pain, and wish you a little bit of unexpected sunshine in your day.
