Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

Yep, your sitch is no where near as bad as mtb's. However, your W is showing some definite GGW behavior, and at the expense of D2. That is why I pointed you in mtb's direction. mtb did struggle but notice how strong he got when he finally decided he'd had enough, and he was going to put his kids first, and himself 2nd. Her a distant 3rd. The problem with our sitches is that our love for our Ws make us focus too much on them. We think it is our job to save them from themselves. Almost all of these WWs are willing to put their wants and needs above everything else: their kids, their previous morals, and especially the lBH.

Good lesson. We'll see if she scales back her nightlife as she indicated yesterday. I hadn't really thought I was trying to save her from herself. I do think her apparent willingness to blow up the family in the name of some independence for herself is a big mistake (and personally hurtful to me), but other than that she isn't going off the rails the way some do.

I know. "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?" Maybe I am trying to save her from herself.

A few months ago I was trying to make her see how important keeping M and D2's family unit intact is. I came to realize that it had the opposite effect and she has to realize that for herself, or at least not coming from me.

I can also say from my own experience, that when my perspective switched from trying to save my W from herself, and trying to save my D and myself, things turned around pretty quickly. My sitch was very unique in timing and turnaround speed, so please take it with a huge grain of salt, but you will never move forward with your focus on her.

I've seen it mentioned multiple times that your turnaround came unusually fast. Last night I read some of your threads and realized that patience, which you wrote to me about, didn't come easily to you either until all this. And that little seeds of doubt can still creep in. It helped me understand that it's a long road back for everyone, it's hard for everyone, and not just a question of you being inherently much better at DB than I.