WAS or WHAT 11

[roist]

Thanks Andrew, I appreciate a fresh perspective and I hear what you are saying and it is logical. I do believe you posted to me once before, at which time you said that she may never change. It is a possibility.

However being the quiet observer that I have been, I have noticed changes. She has changed. I am not talking from when she changed from the attention-giving loving spouse, but within her own path she has changed and dare I say recently started to grow again. The changes are subtle but her state of mind is better than earlier. she is showing interest in other stuff now and some of it is quite positive.

I definitely have changed. Whereas some of our interactions and patterns may be similar to pre-crisis buildup, I believe that fundamentally the differences are important. I have changed and now my decisions are coming from a much healthier place. I am also confident that I will have a bright future regardless of how this turns out. However I am not the H I want to be nor do I treat her like the princess she seems to want to be treated like. A simple fix then would appear to be that H and treat her like a princess, but I can't now. I could but ......

Anyway as for us, I have long accepted that if she ever does sort of her crisis "we" will be the last aspect of her life to change/improve. So as long as she appears to be showing slight improvements, the chance she is on the right path exists. By right path I mean one that could involve reconnection eventually.

But yes I am tired and although I know I could carry on for a long time yet, it interests me less. I am still standing but more passively. I am giving her the TIME and SPACE she needs. That I need too.

I could revamp my efforts regarding improving our R, but am curious to see where our current path leads. she does not openly mind my GAL activities but I get the impression she doesn't particularly like it either. Time will tell if this is good or bad. Worst case scenario I am setting up my life and activities for after, best case scenario she misses me and decides to work on us. Whereas I am not leaving that decision entirely up to her, she needs to reach a certain point for either to occur. Like a WAS who leaves, I believe that at some point a conscious decision to want to improve things needs to be made.

I had that moment 4.5 years ago!! It is powerful. I believe she needs to get to a place to make that decision. I cannot hand it to her.

Thanks again Andrew, I appreciate you dropping by and being openly honest. If others wish to do so, I welcome that too.