WAS or WHAT 11

[roist]

More noting for future reference, though appreciate any viewpoints that ye as onlookers could give:

My W's unhappiness seems to be ramping up or at least she is being more verbal about it:

Last night at dinner she told us that often when she meets people and says she's married with two sons, they often say how lucky she is as she lust be treated like a princess having three guys at the house. The meaning was a little lost on my sons and they acted their age and let's say she felt even less princesslike! Me, I didn't rise to the comments. Over the last few years I have come to not reply to anything like that in front of the kids or on other occasions if said to the kids with me in earshot. Unless it disrepects me and even then I often wait until the boys are out of earshot to pull her up on it.

anyway, it isn't the first time that she has made reference to being treated like a princess, or rather not being treated like one. I gather she would prefer to be.

Earlier on in my crisis, a fellow poster here called me a rock. he meant it as a compliment. This situation made me feel like one, though I am not sure it is such a good thing. I observe the turmoil, her comments etc and they flow past. They do not change me nor do I react.

Five years ago we were not in a great place and I didn't really care about M. Then I did and decided to do whatever it took to save it. What an eye opener that was. The efforts I put into learning as much as I could and putting it into practice. However over time, I have settled into observing, knowing she isn't YET ready for anything more. Each week or maybe even daily I smile at myself after a poor interaction and laughinlgly say to myself "not ready yet".

But I am not made of stone and I am not as solid as a rock. I am no longer as saddened by my situation but I find it sad to watch her struggle and not interact more lovingly. I think I am in a phase of avoidance. I prefer doing other stuff without her so that's what I do mostly. I am sure she has noticed a huge difference over the last six months in me. I am not cold but not overly warm either. whenever there are poor interactions I tend to go get busy elsewhere. Last week she followed me and stated that my storming off in anger wasn't a solution. I calmly replied I wasn't angry but didn't appreciate her tone and wasn't interested in prolonging the situation.

Four years ago I was willing and able to discuss anything with her. That was a huge 180 for me. But it wasn't time. Now I am not sure I would be able to really discuss important stuff with her. I believe I could relearn this skill but for now it is redundant. TBH I probably fear reconciliation more than I do separation, as I see how much work that would be for us and for ME.

What all this rambling made me think about is that after all this time, we seem to have arrived back where it all began. I am not the same person as was then though. I am no longer blind to our interactions etc. Last sunday I was out on a club day and it doesn't take me long to pick up on couples whos interactions are "not ideal" and it gives me pleasure to see others that are. I seemed to have really honed in on that. If I was inclined to I could easily pinpoint the wives, least happy with their H. I imagine some people do that. As for my own interactions with W, I put less and less attention on it. People can see what they see. Before I used to want to keep up appearances. Now I don't. That being said apart from probably a little less chatty our interactions are not negative.

I am not sure that there is anything much more than obseve that I can do for the moment, but if anyone thinks otherwise, I welcome your views.

Have a good day. Thanks for reading