We can argue about how "wrong" a WAW is but the fact of the matter is her PERCEPTION is her REALITY. So even though what she is saying may be outrageous and patently false, it is still how she sees things.
A lot of LBS's struggle with the fact that a lot of this just doesn't make sense. They think if they could just explain things to the WAW then they will help her to see the light and emerge from the fog. The more they try the worse they make their situation though, because they are not dealing with someone who is thinking logically. The WAW is a whirlwind of emotions and raw feelings and you simply cannot beg/plead/negotiate/ rationalize with that. It's very hard for us to even imagine their mindset, but it would be like you losing a loved one and you're in that whirlwind of emotions and grief and you have someone telling you "well yeah but I lost my favorite pair of socks this morning and I don't understand why you don't feel bad for me." Your reaction would be outrage that this person brings their petty little problem to your doorstep when you are completely overwhelmed with grief yourself. Follow what I'm saying? That's her attitude- "I've been hurting so deeply and for so long, and now you want me to turn my life inside out because you've been hurting a few weeks, how dare you."
This is why we constantly push people to listen and validate. She really is hurting, so if you set your own pain aside and you listen, and you validate her feelings instead of constantly hitting her with "poor me I feel worse" then maybe she'll actually start feeling like you care.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
