Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 6

[Davide]

Thanks for the support folks! It has been a stressful time given the job situation, the car, the divorce process, and the relationship questions. I think a hectic social schedule (great GAL) also wore me out to an extent (got the spelling right, this time!) as I have been going out nearly every night. I enjoy it and need it, but I know that I also need time to recharge my batteries at home, to practice self-care, to be with myself in quiet solitude. That was one of the elements of growth that I was most proud of this past summer - learning to sit with myself and be at peace. I have spent much of my life bouncing from one thing to the next in constant motion, always on the look-out for what was next and a lot of that was driven by fear of simply sitting with myself and my own thoughts. I don't want to lose touch with that because I think that is what helps keep me centered.

I'm feeling somewhat recharged after the weekend even though I was out and about a great deal. The prof. and I went to a super fancy restaurant in town on Friday night as she sometimes does "secret shopper" assignments - so she has to take pictures of everything and write up the experience in exchange for a basically free meal. It was fun and slightly absurd to eat in such a ridiculously over-the-top extravagant locale. The food was very good, but certainly not worth what the price would have been, as you pay for the ambiance and attention. On Saturday I went to a brewery for a friend's birthday, which was much more casual and relaxed. He and his wife are from Colombia and had some Colombian friends in from out of town, so it was great to be able to converse in Spanish and reminisce (since they are all from the same city I lived in.)

On Sunday I spent the morning climbing in the gym, and then had a barbecue / play-date for my dog with some friends who live close by. I haven't been taking her out enough recently, and I can't get to the dog parks without a car, so this was a great opportunity for her to get out and run and play since they have a huge backyard and a hyperactive year-old puppy.

I also had my climbing partner video me working on (and falling from) a particularly hard bouldering route. I posted the video on social media along with a reflection on my struggles. I rarely feel the need to broadcast my feelings via social media, but I felt compelled to share this.

This is a failure. I fell. Again. I have been struggling with this route for nearly a week at this point and I don't know if I will ever get it. It is right at the the outer limits of my physical capabilities - my balance, finger strength, and flexibility. It is a struggle. This is the sixth time I fell today. And surely not the last.

Perhaps I made incremental progress, getting a foot higher than before, or maybe I figured out that this method won't work. I still don't know. What I do know is that in this struggle I find joy. It is hard, sometimes it is painful, almost always it is frustrating to fall. But, my mind is singularly focused, working in concert with my body, and my breath powers and calms me. It is joyous and pure. The smile as I fall lights up my face.

I'll keep struggling.