Dilly - thanks for that. Yes, I think we've both felt really really really unappreciated for a very long time. Him for his domestic work and his efforts with the kids, and me for bringing in the money and organising finances and house etc. I wonder if the gender-reversal might have played into it a bit? I think as we both felt less appreciated we both got more polarised - he became more and more controlling about kids and domestic stuff, and I just resentfully withdrew, and I felt more and more resentful about being the breadwinner, and buried myself in work because it was rewarding in a way that family relationships had not been.
One thing this separation has done so far is give me a renewed appreciation for all the domestic work - the mental load - that running a house on your own involves (though I am working still too this is a quieter time of year for me) and this focus on his own career and the urgency of this massive deadline has, I hope, given H something for himself, outside the family, to have for himself - but also maybe given him a bit of insight into what my life was like too. Who knows? Being apart is still very painful at times, but most days are okay and relations seem fairly cordial most of the time over the past couple of weeks. I can see there's been benefits to this separation.
