Juju, thank you so much. You are a stunning woman yourself!

Accepting my physical self has always been difficult as I was a true ugly duckling growing up. I came around to accepting I am attractive even though I am not thin, I’m curvy and can be muscular. That’s my frame and I’ve learned to appreciate my unique look. I think I feel I’m not looking good, because I’m not feeling good.

I look forward to returning to exercise when I’m healed. And maybe be smaller on top will enhance my workouts . I need to get my eating completely under control.

I had a great weekend woth my girls. Got a little drunk, but not too drunk and played black jack for quite some time and didn’t lose. A young guy sat next to me at the table. Good looking. Beautiful wife and beautiful kid( he showed me a pic) I think he was flirting with me though. Maybe I still do have it, lol! But my heart and my mind remains in one place and that is with M. When this guy was flirting ( and he was very attractive) all I could think about was M. I think that’s a part of love.

Speaking of M. He was possibly going to come over tonight after he dropped his son off. Honestly, we haven’t been intimate in 3 weeks. No alone time. And the one night last Wednesday, I had my monthly visitor so he got his and I did not get mine. and now we won’t see each other until after my surgery and I’ll be out of commission for at least a week in that department. So tonight was our last night , plus I hate waiting over a week in between seeing each other but it is what it is.

Anyways, he got in a fender bender which was his fault going to drop off his son. He’s fine, his son is fine, his car is drivable, but there is some damage to the front. He cancelled coming over ( he could have, he just chose not to) I was seriously upset. Just sad about it. But he was just beating himself up so bad over this, you can tell he just needed to be alone woth this and wouldn’t have been feeling so sexy. I was just heartbroken for some reason he wasn’t coming over. I just miss him a lot. And it’s not the physical act of sex. It’s the intimacy of it that I am missing so much. And I just hate how little we get to see each other . But I listened to him vent. Was supportive and validating. He told me he loves me to the moon and back. I know he is in it. And he has really proven that as of late.so I guess I just have to hang on tight, get through this surgery And we will have our time. I promised him a very special weekend that is my treat. I guess this is real relationship stuff. And he is in it. I’m very happy for that.
Big huge week ahead. I am soooooo busy it’s ridic getting ready for this surgery. But I can do it, I know I can