Dilly/Alison, firstly, happy Mother’s Day. I hope you we’re able to spend a drama free day with your kids.
Alison - he can be hard work. But distance and time has let me see it for what it is, his way of gaining control. I no longer tip toe around him nor do I shrink when he speaks. Blah blah blah walk the dog, blah blah blah never on time blah blah blah the world is in crises and it’s because you left the lights on. Control. But as it doesn’t effect me, it is just words, it doesn’t matter. Plus, he doesn’t do it as much now. Time and distance may have taught me how to cope, but it has taught him to be less critical of me. He has largely lost his power.
It is in his nature to check up on me. Nosy and suspicious. He has alerts on rightmove whenever our old house goes on sale so that he can see what the subsequent owners have done with it. He sometimes still drives by the old house. He also has alertsnon houses in our street so he can see what they’ve done with it and how much it’s gone for. Has done for years. Not parent child. Just plain nosy. Well, maybe parent child in that he likes to find fault with me. But he always found fault with things neighbors do with their houses “FS, can you believe they painted it [that color]”. Kind of funny looking back.
Dilly - the give the dog away is an idle threat. He would never do it. He can’t take the dog himself because of his job, his mum can’t have her because she goes away on holidays ALL THE TIME. I looked into a dog walker but couldn’t find one - lots of dogs in my area requiring walkers. He walks her when he fancies it but always on his schedule and he’d never pay for a dog walker. He knows he is stuck. He wanted me to give in and say “ok, I’ll walk her before work” but because I didn’t , he over reacted and said something he can’t back up. That’s juvenile but my H all over.
The thing with his mum is interesting because it is true. They are both exactly alike. But I suspect they have gotten to a point in the “FS is neglecting her duties as a mum” conversation where there was nothing new to say. He can’t change things and he is now sick of taking about it. There’s only so much moaning you can do before you have to [censored] or get off the pot.
I am nowhere near supermum but I know I am a damn good one. He can complain and judge all he likes (and tbh, he doesn’t much anymore),but nothing he says is going to change that.
