Listen... all you LBS’s who think you have lost something because your lame ass husband (or wife) decided someone out there offered him/her a better life... LET THEM GO!!!! The sooner you do, the better off you will be. I was DEVASTATED when my H left... DEVASTATED. I never thought I would be here in a million years. But when the dust settles and the fear subsides, it is amazing how clearly you start to see things. You DO NOT need someone else to define you or make you happy. You don’t. You are enough just the way you are. Make yourself happy and let your S go... it will end up being the best and smartest thing you EVER did.
Love and (((HUGS))) to you all!!!
Hey DV (((HUGS))),
I’m glad OLD is treating you well. I wish you all the luck, and you deserve someone amazing, and I hope you find that person in time.
I saw this before but didn’t get to comment—thank you for posting this.
I was devastated with all the BDs that W gave to me since a year ago February, and like you, I never thought I would be here, either, but here we are.
This past week for Spring Break has been loads of me doing stuff for myself (and the boys), and that has brought me so much joy. It’s so nice to do things for myself, and to love on the boys.
Tbh, I am a bit scared of W’s threats of leaving (she has threatened to move out this week—more on my thread), but with how she’s been since a year ago February, and especially since October, I just don’t want this version of her in my life right now. I especially like your description of ‘lame ass’ wife—I think of the person W is / has been recently, and it is like she is a totally different person. Couldn’t have come up with a better descriptor myself.
Also tbh, I’m more than a bit sad for the boys—I wanted them to grow up in a household with both mom and dad, and I am sad that if / when this D goes through, that I’ll get them for half-time, and I’ll be missing that other half. I hate that, am mourning that, and it tears me up inside. I have also read on here that that time I’m away from them I can recharge and work on myself so I can be more present to them, and there may be something to the whole ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ sentiment, but I always thought that was more for lovers, than children. Maybe I will come to acceptance on that part in time.
My SD19 says I should just block him on my phone. Luckily he does not know my last name nor where I live.
Be careful Deja. It's very easy to get all your personal information with just a phone number. I have an out of state phone number and if I do a search on it, my current address shows up with my last name. I always thought if I start dating, I'm getting a throw-away phone just for this purpose.
My SD19 says I should just block him on my phone. Luckily he does not know my last name nor where I live.
Be careful Deja. It's very easy to get all your personal information with just a phone number. I have an out of state phone number and if I do a search on it, my current address shows up with my last name. I always thought if I start dating, I'm getting a throw-away phone just for this purpose.
Google Voice is your friend!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Sent a “break-up” text to Tinder guy because he keeps sending me texts and is clearly into me. I was as nice as I could be and told him that I think he deserves someone really great but that I know that person isn’t me. I even told him I was seeing someone. So... 24 hours later, he sends me a text that he is having some surgery soon and after he recovers, he would like to date me... as if he hadn’t even read what I sent. I couldn’t believe it. My SD19 says I should just block him on my phone. Luckily he does not know my last name nor where I live.
LMAO this guy is persistent, don't you want a man like that?
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Listen... all you LBS’s who think you have lost something because your lame ass husband (or wife) decided someone out there offered him/her a better life... LET THEM GO!!!! The sooner you do, the better off you will be. I was DEVASTATED when my H left... DEVASTATED. I never thought I would be here in a million years. But when the dust settles and the fear subsides, it is amazing how clearly you start to see things. You DO NOT need someone else to define you or make you happy. You don’t. You are enough just the way you are. Make yourself happy and let your S go... it will end up being the best and smartest thing you EVER did.
Boom! Love this!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Wrote a big long post this morning and it never got posted. I will try to remember what I wrote...lol.
Bo - I remember feeling what you are feeling. I grew up with two parents who stayed together and it was my plan to give my children the same gift. Unfortunately, it wasn’t only up to me and my STBXH’s values are very different from mine. He never had that so he has no idea what he missed growing up. Looking back on all of the mistakes and dumb decisions he has made, he should really wonder about that. But he doesn’t... he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Anyway...regardless...all you can really do is make sure that when you have your kids, they have you 100%. Eventually you will get used to it and even come to appreciate when you have some time on your own. Also...try not to pay too much attention to your W’s threats. They are just that.
Had a great weekend with my SD19. She and I spent most of Sunday together and I spoiled her a little bit. She saw her dad briefly on Sunday when he dropped off the twins. It was sad. He didn’t hug her and barely spent any time talking to her. I know it is because he knows she is mad at him. In his family, when someone is mad at you, you avoid them and do the mental Olympics required to make it all about them and nothing to do with you and your behaviour. You definitely don’t address it head on. It is really, really sad. She wants a relationship with him so bad but is tired of being the one who reaches out. I worked so hard to try to promote and support a relationship between them and he has completely ruined it. Sigh...
Facebook guy played an April Fool’s joke on me today. Sent me a text that he was at the hospital cause his truck had caught on fire on the way to work and he had burned his right arm and half the hair on his head trying to put it out. It was so random and realistic the way he worded it, I totally fell for it. He is supposed to be coming for dinner on Wednesday. He seems a bit less communicative the last couple of days. I really don’t know what I am doing with him. I’m not sure who could be with someone like him longterm. He seems absolutely prettified of being still for more than 20 minutes. I’m surprised he sat on the beach with me for the 45 minutes he did. It is just so strange in some ways. Almost as strange as the fact that we have spent 16 hours total together and he hasn’t even tried to kiss me. He keeps talking abou things we can do in the summer together. It is all very confusing. Trying not to worry about it too much but I’m starting to try not to like him too much cause I just have no idea where this is going and I don’t want to have any expectations.
Thanks for the warning Grace. Finally decided to block Tinder guy. Despite me clearly telling him I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend, he just wasn’t getting it. Kept sending me weird hard-to-understand texts and calling me all these overly familiar pet names. Definitely stalker material. I called my cell provider to make sure I am unlisted and then blocked him. He lives 45 minutes away in another town so hopefully that will be it.
Traded some texts with STBXH today. He has been friendlier lately. Maybe because he can tell I have moved on? Not sure but it bodes well for our kids if we can remain cordial and cooperative with one another. Apparently his house inspection did not go well. Hoping whatever is wrong can be fixed as I really would like him to be close by for the sake of the kids.
Anyway... hope this gets posted cause I’m going to sleep now. Love and (((HUGS))) to you all.
Dinner with Facebook guy has been put off a day because he owed his ex a childcare day. Personally, I’m okay with it. He’s been a bit off the last few days and last night he sent me a couple of texts that gave me an idea of why. We were talking about rather innocuous things when all of a sudden, he texts me that he thinks he might like to live somewhere different in the wintertime (somewhere hot) which is probably why he hasn’t gotten into a “relationship” yet. He also said it is why he hasn’t really met anyone (other than me and one other person) and only connected as friends...that he thinks he is too unstable right now and he’s been afraid. I basically just validated his feelings and didn’t try to add much to the conversation. Reading between the lines, he was either warning me or explaining his behaviour up until now or telling me that his friendship with me is potentially throwing a wrench into his plans. This is in stark contrast to the guy who told me he is “just living life in the moment”...seems to be that is the exact opposite of what he is doing. I figure if it requires a discussion, it would probably best be had in person when I see him on Thursday. And I thought I overthink things.
Texted with my 38 year-old “boy toy” yesterday. Still haven’t met him...lol. He’s pretty straight forward and funny and much less complicated than Facebook guy. I figure I should meet him soon since we’ve been chatting for the past month. It hasn’t escaped me that if I ended up dating someone with the same name as my STBXH’s affair who is around the same age, it would be somewhat ironic...lol.
Finally got a good night’s sleep which is the first in awhile. I got used to 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night with all of the drama over the past eight months. Last night a solid 7 1/2 hours. Yay me!! Feels great.
My sister came over for dinner yesterday and we watched a couple of episodes of a show that I’ve been recording for us. Got a bit bored after she left so I sent a few texts to the guys I’ve been talking to. No one answered right away and then everyone started answering at the same time so I was talking to four people at one point. Started talking to the guy who sent me a “I think I love you” message (joking of course) after he read my profile. He lives on the Island that I live on but about a 2 1/2 hour drive away. He also works in another province two of every four weeks. His two sons are in their early 20s and both working in a town about an hour away from me. Anyway... I read his profile and TBH, he sounds perfect for me...my sister thought so too. Not really sure what he looks like as his pictures aren’t super clear. I do know he has a nice smile and a great sense of humour. I told him I was sort of seeing someone when I first started messaging him. He wished me luck but then also said he hoped it wouldn’t work out...lol. I hadn’t really had a conversation with him until last night and he does seem a lot like me personality-wise. Funny and a bit flirty but not over the top. He’s back on the Island next week so I will probably meet him for coffee to see if there is any chemistry in person.
Facebook guy came over for dinner tonight. As per usual... we never ran out of things to talk about. We cooked together, watched some hockey, sat on the deck and chatted. He greeted me with a big hug and said good-bye the same way. Honestly... I always thought that when people write in their profile that they would like to make new friends but their “intent” says looking for a relationship, I always thing they are giving themselves an out. I’m starting to think that Facebook guy really means it...lol. I’ve spent about 20 hours with him and he has never tried to kiss me or hold my hand or anything. Yet we haven’t gone a day without talking for a month. This morning he texted me at 7:45 a.m. He talks about doing stuff in the summer. I’m at a loss. I know he’s not gay...lol.
I really like him...still not sure why...lol. He is very different from me and not my normal “type”. Maybe that is what is appealing? That being with him would force me to step outside of my comfort zone? If he is not interested in me as more than a friend though, it would be nice if he just told me. Does believe nothing they say and only half of what they do apply in this situation...lol??? I just keep thinking that if he only liked me as a friend, would he drive an hour to spend a couple hours with me or sit in a line of traffic for two hours or text me every single day? I think his actions indicate an interest in me and when I see him we get along great but he is definitely holding back from making it any more than a friendship. Maybe he is one of those rare people who actually does just want to be friends? I know, I know.... stop trying to mind read DV6. Whatever the reason... I’m definitely going to meet some more people and not get too hung up on him. At the very least, dinner was good. Hadn’t made this curry in a long time and it did not disappoint.
Why not ask him? I Know you've not dated a whole bunch but from all I can tell it's not at all typical for a guy to be acting like he is - especially at this point. He may be thinking that YOU'RE not interested in more. You are correct in mind reading not being helpful but a gentle conversation well could be. This is DATING not DBING so R talk is okay - and in this case it is not even R talk - it's more like, what are you looking for talk. There's nothing wrong with just being friends if that's what both of you want but not even a kiss? That's often a path to being friend-zoned. ASK HIM!!!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
He may just be petrified to make a move on you. It reminds me very much of when I was young and started dating. I was constantly sticking myself in the friendzone. I agree with Don, help the man out and ask him what his intentions are. Tell him you enjoy the friendship but you're looking for something more. If he's into you he will be very relieved that you broke the ice for him.
Thanks Don and AS. I've thought of that...lol. The only problem is that if I asked him, that would imply that I know how I feel about him and I really don't know...lol. He's told me a few things... he's scared to get into a relationship with anybody, he thinks he might want to move somewhere in the winter, he hasn't figured out what he needs to be happy, etc... IDK... I'm okay with friends TBH. At this point, it seems strange to imagine going beyond that. It's like the moment has passed. Anyway... I've kind of decided to take a break on the texting and to meet a few more people. Maybe my feelings for him will become more obvious when I've had more people to compare him too.
