Well maybe your husband felt unappreciated too? I can see that you feel tired and resentful at having the lion's share of domestic stuff to be responsible for, maybe that's how he felt too for years but expressed it badly? If both partners feel unappreciated it turns into all sorts of bad behaviour from both parties. Maybe he did want you to take more responsibility but then felt undermined when you tried to instead of supported?
An example: I've always been interested in gardening, I've built up a lot of knowledge of different plants and all sorts over the years and spend lots of time gardening, not necessarily for pleasure but because it's nice to have beautiful plants to look at (I do enjoy being outdoors but I feel a lot of pressure trying to fit it in along with all the other stuff in life which keeps me busy).
So last year we had a garden project which needed doing, dh comes to the garden centre, picks some plants which frankly I think are ugly or won't work and dismisses everything I say. I felt criticised and like he was invading my territory and like he was belittling all my experience. Now he looks at some bulbs in a planter and says 'I planted those didn't I?'
Maybe I should have been more encouraging of his interest, offered more gentle guidance instead of being 'the expert' and understood his wish to do more gardening as expressing an interest in things domestic instead of him rudely barging in on my turf. I mean I don't think he's suddenly going to develop a passion for plants but at least I could give him the benefit of the doubt! Perhaps there was a similar dynamic operating with you and your husband? In any case, both of you seeing what it was like for the other person means you can understand each other better, which must be a good thing. Maybe you could express some appreciation to your husband of all the domestic stuff he used to do? Because it's a lot less visible than work or money, and a lot less recognised by our society too.
