I agree completely with the above. I have put my faith in this place and the advice here is as expert-like as you can get. The folks on here are absolute saints.
If your wife is indeed in MLC there are plenty of resources here. As a side note, her mom's PD may have been what precipitated this (in addition to some childhood trauma). If you can, try and support the family to the best of your ability. It is a terrible, progressive disease and seeing the decline may have her progress deeper through the tunnels.
Be prepared for a bumpy ride. MLC folks will do things you NEVER thought possible--drugs, affairs with unsavory people, stealing/hiding money or property, neglecting kids and family. I don't think Hollywood's best writers could tackle some of this stuff. That smart, sensible person you love can become irrational and may shun family, friends, your kids and anyone else who gets in her way. She may surround herself with anyone who doesn't disagree with her choices.
More advice (from my personal experience):
-if you absolutely cannot move back in, get possession of the kids as much as possible. Work on getting a stable environment for them to stay with you. This will benefit them in the long run, and help you with potential custody agreements. They seem to know something is wrong and now their stability (at least for the near future) will depend on you.
-Document everything. Times she is coming home late (if you can), things the kids tell you (do not pry though), threats, irrational statements,who is watching the kids, school attendance when kids are in her possession, etc... With that said, DO NOT SNOOP. It will wear you down emotionally and some forms of snooping are illegal. Do not confront or talk to the OM. Just let it be. Learn to detach.
-She is in a teenage mindset. Do not believe any of what she says and half of her actions, they may be discordant. Do not beg or plead with her. Emotional conversations will happen at some point but the hangover from them can be disastrous for your well-being. She is in this for herself and herself only. Be suspicious of any sudden niceness--it means she wants something or has a brief moment of clarity. For me, a week of clarity led an early reconciliation and it failed miserably after one month. When she says something irrational, DO NOT reply with a rational statement. Use general phrases like "that must be difficult for you" or "I'm sorry you feel that way." She will throw daggers and any arguments will further justify her feelings for you. Stay upbeat and fake it until you make it. I spent many times happy and upbeat around her then fell apart in the shower or in a private spot at work.
-Protect yourself. I hated when people told me this. It felt like it was just something they said to be nice. It is much deeper than financially though. Your actions need to be focused on yourself and the kids. Whatever your outlet is, use it. For me it was the gym and church. Texts for visitation (prior to temp orders) are important. Try to NOT discuss other elements (money, property, alimony, etc...) in writing, she is out to lunch and you must stay focused. Stay as focused as possible at work and do not slip.
Most importantly, regardless of the outcome you will both become different people. Moving on (emotionally, romantically, physically) will be difficult. You will get through this a new and better person. Become the person she would be a fool to leave--not for her, but for YOU. There are phases to this and will not be overnight. Just know that you will be ok in the end.
