Thanks lost8. Your sitch sounds like it is much improved. I just encourage you to cement your 180s. Make them the new you! (More on that in a minute.) And just keep working. I think you would agree that a lot of the problem is that we, the LBSs, got to comfortable and quit trying. One of the things I've learned through all of this that you should never stop courting your W. Never stop dating her. And never stop working to improve yourself and your MR.
One quick suggestion. I was not a fan of wearing a ring. I was always taking mine off the shower, to sleep, etc. It just never stop bugging me. I bought a pack of 5 silicon rings on Amazon. WHAT AN EYE_OPENER!!! I don't even realize I have this thing on! And they look good too. I often pull mine off hold up and then squish it to the shock of the person I am showing it too.
Okay, now to answer your question. We continue to do really well. We continue to work really well as a team, both in running of the house, and being parents. It feels so good to be free of all the tension, and all of the dread. Having put aside my NGS and being forthright and upfront with her is amazing. Just so freeing!
As far as my changes and 180s. I continue to work really hard to make sure they are cemented. I said more on being "a new you". Just last night we were joking about something that happened. I can't even remember what it was but she was saying "I was afraid you were going to yell at me." (jokingly). I laughed and said "That was the old Steve! The new Steve doesn't do that." I reflected on that later and realized that I am 16 months past being THAT guy. It feels so good. And to be quite blunt, it is refreshing! I didn't realize how much weight and baggage being that guy had me carrying around.
For instance, if you read my threads you'll see that I was a saver and fixer. I would always try to save her from her failures and fix her mistakes. And that did two things. It put an awful lot of responsibility and work on me. And it didn't let her be her, and I think that was a big part of her having felt "she lost herself". Further, it made her look at me as a dad instead of a H.
Now I realize how important it is to be a man. A husband. A lover. A provider. But that I let her have her space and let her have her learnings through success and failure herself. No woman wants to marry their father. And I am constantly checking myself not to jump in and be her dad. But to be her partner in life, that empathizes with her through the ups and downs. I am happy to say I am doing this very consistently! I can't think of the last time I said something or reacted in a way and felt like I had let myself down in this regard.
So l8, things are moving in the right direction. We are really in a good place. The last 9-10 months I can honestly say have been the best 9-10 months of our marriage. I think she would agree too.
To the other newcomers, remember. Your old MR is gone. You have to move on to a new MR, either with your WAS or with someone new.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
