Yes! Thank you, I'd not considered it in quite that light before, he is super sensitive to what people think about him so knowing that some of my friends today know the situation and might feel negatively towards him might have been difficult for him (they don't actually, they are very kind and understanding women who want the best for me and for my marriage to work). Thank you for pointing out that to me, I thought it was out of his comfort zone to just meet all my friends but that must have added to his stress.
Excellent point, that's kind of what I mean about being assertive and not defensive, perhaps pointing out his negativity in an affectionate way sometimes might be useful, instead of over-reacting and then making it worse. I remember once I completely defused a rather rude text from him a few years back by saying 'lol, you have such a great sense of humour, that's why I love you'. I might experiment with more of that sort of thing, because he will never stop being critical altogether so I need to minimise it and handle it better.
Thank you, both great points there for me to think about and work with.
