Actually I'm not sure he's great at controlling himself with his colleagues...He hasn't been that snappy really, just one or two short times the last couple of times I've seen him and perhaps I've been sensitive to it because I'm conscious I don't want it back as a habit (nor does he). Both times I've sort of gone quiet and withdrawn a bit (but not run away even if I felt like it) and I could pretty much feel him thinking about his behaviour and stopping it. So that's progress. Maybe I should be more assertive about it, once or twice I was lighthearted in return and that was ok (he hates feeling laughed at though). I need to be assertive and not defensive as my default. The other day in the restaurant he asked me to open the wine and I started doing it and he then made out like he knew the 'right' way to do it and started doing it, it didn't work very well and he gave it back to me and said 'I guess there's more than one way of doing it so it works'. That was a 180 from him. So today he didn't treat me well but he didn't treat me badly. He's entitled to the odd nasty comment, we all are. I'm tired and possibly not very good at responding and also super sensitive about any criticism. I need to sleep well tonight for a change so I can help him to be kind instead of critical, he doesn't want to be critical any more and I want to help him with that by being assertive. Not my natural state! Maybe I need to say that to him? I feel like I've gone back to being a bit closed off to him again partly because I'm tired and partly because he is. Maybe I need to say that as well.
I had some friends there today who know my situation and I felt sad and angry that things are still messy and complicated. They thought him coming was a big thing though, especially during his busiest week of the year. I texted him and said that I appreciated it wasn't really in his comfort zone and I appreciated the effort he'd gone to to come when he's so busy.
