I was taught at a young age (through my parents divorce) when I had to take on the role of 'parent' to control situations. I had no other skills/tools to deal with the crisis and was thrust into a role I shouldn't have been. <-- no excuse, just fact. I need to resolve this. I would also say that the general control issue is also affecting my overall ability to detach right now.
Detaching is letting go of the control. It is dropping the rope you have tied around her. You can't detach and hold on to the rope.
Are you experiencing some the same emotions that you had when your parents divorced? You felt thrust into a role then, when actually you were an innocent victim. Currently, you find yourself in a very similar situation. Perhaps you were not allowed to express your perspective as a child from divorced parents, IDK. Maybe that's why you feel the strong need to tell your W how much you know and how you feel. I'm not a psychologist. I am a former WW, and I can tell you that you will not change your W's mind by having this talk with her. It will not solve the problems. You will not evoke the feelings in her that you want her to have. That is control. You don't like it if you aren't allowed to feel what you feel. So, give her that same freedom, and stop trying to control her feelings.
She's not the one coming to the board, so we can't talk to her. We can't help her. We can offer you support and share what we've learned.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
