I am contemplating whether it is a good thing to R as I don’t think I will be able to forgive and forget easily what has occurred. It seems unfair that I give and never receive. This is a big issue with how I behave, always giving , listening and understanding, when no one reciprocates . If I give any truth out it always ends I tears and I think I am beginning to not care .
Hello TryHard. I have these thoughts a lot too. I don't think it's a bad idea to think about what kind of relationship you want going forward (accepting if you can, it might not be with your W). It is important to me too to be able to ask for things, to have some of my emotional needs met in a partnership, to be able to support someone else, to feel needed a little bit now and again, to have reciprocity and honesty. These aren't bad things. What I need to accept is that for many complicated reasons, that kind of relationship isn't on the table right now. So I need to concentrate on myself, on being the kind of person I want to be. I want to be kind - to be able to offer kindness without expecting or requiring anything in return. For the kindness I offer to be unconditional and not part of a manipulative strategy. To be able to withdraw and take care of my own needs or find other ways of having them met if the relationship doesn't offer that. To be able to tell the truth without using it as a weapon. I want to be that person not because I think it will win H back, but because I've spent a lot of time attempting to manipulate or control H into being kind and affectionate towards me, and I don't like myself when I am dishonest like that.
It is really really hard. Maybe my experience isn't useful to you - but just in case it is I thought I'd post it. I hope you're well and having a good weekend.
