WAW says I'm the "perfect husband and partner"

[Jamine]

Had the conversation with W tonight. It was...interesting. Before I'd left town, we'd decided to split everything 50/50, and now she's trying to go back on that...essentially having the same conversation again. We'd also decided we would see a mediator, but she made an appt with a lawyer ("it's a free consultation!").

W makes a lot of money, more than I do, but I supported her during her doctorate, and then left my job to move across the country for hers. Her position was also delayed for 2 months after we first arrived (and were completely broke), so instead of finding a job that I wanted, I worked a really crappy one while she didn't work at all.

Now W's trying to throw it in my face and say she should get more equity in our house, more of our savings, etc. I didn't budge, I validated when I was given any opportunity to do so, but I stood my ground on everything. I didn't show emotion except for smiles, and maybe a tiny bit of frustration (it was really hard!). It definitely got to her...she got angry, accusing, etc.

W also is now trying to give me a date to leave our house. Two weeks ago we'd talked on the phone, and she tried to set goals for me to leave. At the time, I told her that she doesn't set goals for me anymore. She repeated it a few times, but I never agreed to it. Tonight she was convinced that I had agreed, until I reminded her about that statement, "you don't set goals for me anymore" and I think she actually remembered. It didn't really matter though, she got very frustrated and said some things, referring to our marriage as "platonic", and I attempted to validate as much as possible again. When she started yelling I told her "if you want to have a conversation, I'm happy to, but if you talk to me like this I'm leaving." It took a few tries, but she did eventually (kinda) calm down.

She reserved an airbnb (insanely expensive) in town for 5 weeks, and is mad at how expensive it is. I leave for my 2.5 week trip on Thurs, and she's planning to live there in the meantime. She does not want to move back into the house if I'm here, and insinuated that this was somehow all my fault because I won't move. I didn't have any of it, but never got mad, never raised my voice, didn't get upset or emotional.

Then a weird thing happened, we didn't talk for a few minutes, and I was doing some stuff in the kitchen. W walked in and asked if she could hug me, and I said she could. We hugged, and I disengaged first. She said she was sorry and that this was really hard. Then she said she was going to go read and went into the guest bedroom.

I have no idea what to think. I know that I need to build respect, but this all feels so counter-intuitive...I almost feel like I'm pushing her towards D, since she will be buying me out of the house. I do feel good about standing my ground and being confident, but I still feel like she just doesn't even see me. We're only going to live together for 5 more days...this is so weird.

Should I push back on the lawyer meeting? I wouldn't be doing it to delay D, it's just that we'd agreed on a mediator, and I feel like this person is just going to try to sell her, and then the whole process is going to get way more costly for both of us.