Hi All. Hope everyone is having a good day. It's my 1st time posting here and I've been reading and learning a lot from the community this past 2 months.

Here's my story:

My W, our 2 sons and I went for a 3 week trip to attend a wedding on Dec 2018 through Jan 2019 in Southeast Asia (this was our 2nd trip out there in 14 months). A week upon our return, my W wasn't herself, would act very cold towards me and wouldn't initiate any conversation. When I told her that she's been acting cold/weird towards me lately, she admitted that she's been unhappy, say she's not in love with me anymore, saying she doesn't know herself and wants to find herself and then the BD. I asked her what's making her unhappy and of course all the blame was on me. All she brings up are the bad stuff I did 15 yrs ago (no infidelity). We've been together for 17 years (12.5 yrs married) and had so much good memories together especially with our children. In the past 3 yrs we've been in this routine re our 2 boys' basketball training program (where I also train/coach) - 3 days a week of training and tourney events on the weekends all year long. I made sure that at least 1x a week, we get to spend time together just the two of us. I even suggested we should take a break from the boys' bball program cause it's messing up our psyche.

When she dropped the bomb on me, I was really trying to get an idea about what's going on cause she's just willing to end everything with a snap of a finger with no regard about myself or our children's emotions. I've apologized again about how I made her feel in the past, told her that we can work things out like always but it seems as though she had fully given up. I gave her a lot of space to think this through, she would always leave me with the boys so I started focusing on them more and being more productive hoping that she'll notice. She's adamant that I let her go, I told her that I can't simply give up on our family and even suggested we talk to a family therapist which her reply was a big NO. She then started sleeping in the living room. I started doing tons of research and it led me to believe that she's going through a MLC. She became very irritable, irrational, emotionally abusive, and doesn't want me around at all. She decided to kick me out of the house on 3/8/19 and didn't give me ample time to find a place to stay. I respected her decision and left even if it's hard for me and the boys since we're used to always being together. All this time, we shared everything re the finances of our family. Two days before kicking me out, she tried to make a deal saying "if you would've paid for all of our bills, I would've given us a chance", I replied by saying if that's what'll take for our family to be intact, I'll be willing to do so. Her response to me was pure disrespect, she said for me to do all that but I still gotta leave on 3/8/19. I told her how do you expect me survive on my own if I'm paying for everything? How am I gonna support myself with no roof above my head? Her reply was, "I guess that's a no".


All this time I think there's a 3rd party involved. She's been constantly on her phone texting someone using Snapchat these past few months (an app where text messages don't get saved). When I try to peek she'll try to hide it. I asked if she was having an affair and of course she will not admit to that. As I backtracked when we we're on vacation, she'd rather stay in the room and not mingle with my relatives. Couple of times I catch her texting someone and I asked who it was, her response was either her bestfriend or coworkers. I've already had my suspicion on who it was (the program director of our boys' bball program who's also married with 3 kids). The night she kicked me out, my W took the kids to Skyzone (a trampoline park), this is where my eldest son saw her texting the OP on Snapchat, kind of updating him where they were that evening. My son sent me a text concerning this. I appreciated him for telling me. I really thought the OP was a true friend and my comrade since we coached together and we've been fully committed to his program for 3 yrs. He acts religious, full of integrity and dignity. Little did I know these were all lies and he has taken advantage of my wife's vulnerability as of late. I decided to question my wife concerning this, telling her that everything she does leads to this OP. She then decided to take the home and room keys from me and banning me from entering the house; saying if I come in, she will throw all my stuff away. She's in full denial and says I should stop assuming. I had a chance speak to my eldest about what he sent me via text and I told him I'm proud of him for letting me know. I also talked to him about "disrespect and trust". My eldest son even told me that he notices his mom acting weird/awkward towards the OP every time they're around each other. I asked him what he meant by this, he said that his mom is a bit giggly and always laughs at his jokes. I told my son that we're quitting that program since we've been back-stabbed and we can't tolerate that. I told him that your teammates will always be your friends and that I'll find him and his younger brother another program we can join. I decided to send a text msg to that so called friend of mine (the OP) and let him know how me and my boys felt back-stabbed and disrespected by his actions and taking advantage of my wife's/their mother's vulnerability, also letting him know that we're done with his program. His response was, "I'm sorry and that was text from a long time ago, I commented on one of her videos". I even told him to stop communicating with my wife. Since I brought this up to my W how we're quitting that bball program, she became enraged and wondered why I did that and how selfish I was, etc. I told her ask the boys if they still want in, she asked them and the boys says NO more with that program. After she heard all this, she became more demanding and started to limit my time with the boys. Since I coach and train too, I decided to work with my boys myself at a park nearby daily. I still drop them off to school and pick them up from home after work so we can train together and eat dinner together. Mind you, when we're in that bball program, a lot of times we get home around 930pm. She started demanding that I bring the boys home before 9. I told her, "I respect you not wanting me around but you can't limit my time with the boys. Limiting my time with them is not in their best interest when you're well aware they're used to having me around. Because of your selfishness, you're stressing myself and our children which we all do not deserve". Also, I found out the OP does Uber after practice (late nights). Lately, I've been staying at my Uncle's house (dad's bro) since I got kicked out which is just 5 min away. There are nights where I'd swing by the house after 10 pm and our SUV wasn't there. She'd always leave the boys when they're asleep. Now I see why she wants them home at a certain time. The 1st time I saw this, I sent her a text saying, "now I know why you don't want me around, so you can start fooling around when the children are sleeping". 2 nights ago my eldest was still awake, he told me the following morning that his mom left around 10pm. Also, last night I was at my buddy's house down the street, I passed by around 1130p and the SUV is not in the driveway again. Although my in-laws are there, I don't think it's right for her to leave them. I do feel like her and the OP are meeting up somewhere late at night.


A little back story: We live at her parents house (where she grew up). Her mom has Parkinson's disease (PD) for over a decade now and her dad's retired so he can take of her mom (we all live at the same house). Also about a little over a decade ago, we did a home improvement work that's why we're there helping them pay majority of their mortgage loan. My W also works from home 4 days a week - 10 hr shifts the past 3 years. After work, she'll pick up the boys from school, help them with their homework, preparing our dinner, taking the boys to practice (then I'll meet them there at practice since I get off work much later than she does). As you know, taking care of someone that has PD is really hard and draining. With all the continuous repetitive requests to stand up, lay down, go to the bathroom, etc, we noticed it was a bit hard and frustrating for my father in law (FIL). You can hear them nag each other daily. Since my wife works from home, I already know that she hears their bickering all day long. Although my FIL might get frustrated at times, I know for a fact that she loves my mother in law (MIL). I do think that this also had an effect on my W. I also feel that the reason why she has all the courage to kick me out since it's not really "our" house - it's theirs. Even my FIL, MIL, sister and brother in laws try to talk to my W, but all she does is ignore everybody. Just really self-centered lately

I've been doing the LRT the last 10 days. 2 days ago she text me telling me to let her know what my plans are with the boys. I didn't reply after 2 hours and said you know our routine, we train then eat dinner. She then asked when I will find a new program for them. I said that's not in my priority list, my priority is to get situated (currently looking for an apt). I also said, we still train religiously - work is work.
Today she sent me a text saying she filed for divorce, that I can get all my stuff and rent a storage until I find my own place. She also added, that "The door is still open for you, you just have to prove it" which I think is illogical knowing you're having an affair but yet leading me on. I ignored her text today. I really don't know what to do. HELP!!!


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Me (37 turning 38)
W (38 turning 39)
T = 17 yrs
M = 12.5 yrs
S = (12 turning 13)
S = (9 turning 10)
BD = Jan 2019
W filed for D = 3/29/19