Learning, Growing, Healing

[CaliGuy]

need an update Cali, miss you buddy . Hope all is well

Whats up Irish .... all good here hope you are well my man. It took me a solid day to figure out how even find my thread!!!

Not sure why I popped in here other than just to see if I could see any names I recognize, feels like walking through the high school hallways in your 30's or something along those lines. I have been reflecting a bit, on life, my journey and looking at that fella in the mirror who has a couple greys but for the most part is one good looking fella.

So those of you who know ... know .. but if you are new i will try to just sum up shortly, BD was what SEP13, on my birthday (Ya have to love those MLC'rs and the timing). I was not the poster-boy DB'r ... stubborn and stupid 100% but some of the vets here forced me to answer the hard questions and do the homework. my MLCr had a short spot of what seemed like clarity from MAR15 to about SEP15 but shot herself back into the tunnel I dropped rope and walked FEB16 after the epic 'Glamour shot' of 2016. Divorce was final JAN18 and its been pretty quiet for the most part, however I am not sure about all the MLCrs out there but mine is absolutely seasonal, Cold in Sep-Jan and warm Mar-Apr ... so she is currently in the "find a reason to talk to Cali" Camp at the moment, I am cordial and dare I say nice, but also keep her at arms length as I know the predictable pattern. The conversations have been mostly S12 oriented (The Tween years have been a challenge with my little-big dude) and the XW is pushing for "family-dinners" (I cringe at that family word still) .... I have not said no but replied with a 'We will see" approach as I do love to eat my meals awkward and drama free if at all possible.

As far as me, I have been in and out of a relationship with someone (Currently monk mode and really at peace to be honest) .... I think its finally done but every time I say it out loud I think she hears me and we end up back together again, sometimes its her, sometimes its admittedly me. Dating at this point feels like going to the junkyard looking for a car, they are all wrecks and its about finding one that wont get you killed!! Problem is my free time, I just have very little, I took up that GAL thing so bad it almost hurts. That motorcycle I bought, kayaking, softball, fishing, and now me and S12 are playing Rambo and going Paint-balling twice a month (I highly recommend this .... I have 354 confirmed kills). I have been just focused on doing my stuff and continuing to read/grow/learn if someone comes along and sparks my interest great ... if not that's cool too I am just very indifferent about relationships at the moment in a wild go with the flow vibe.

So as far as MLC..., 5 1/2 years post BD, I do notice XW does seem more normal than batsh!t cray, for this I am thankful just for my sons sanity (and I will welcome not wearing the spew jacket), as bad as we have it those kids do not have the luxury of going dark. I think for anyone who is fairly new to this situation I feel compelled to tell you, just relax and give yourself a break. Looking back I now accept there was NOTHING I could have done, no words I could have said, no tranq-dart I could have shot into her neck that would not have set MLC into motion nor saved my marriage. I was not the best husband and at the time was not really going down the road for father of the year. I think for myself and what I have seen in others (Irish comes to mind) is you are forced to be both parents as the MLCr goes through the crisis, its not all bad and I am so happy for that aspect. She does seem to be doing more things with him even if its more what she wants. OM is still in the picture as far as I know, however he moved some time ago up to San Fran, seems she goes up there once every 6 moths from what I can tell.

So that is about all on my end, hope you all are well .... I may bounce around a bit here and sell some STFU smoothies and see if anyone is in the market for a well used spew jacket.