I will take this constructively, in the following way.
A few nights ago, I was talking to a mutual friend who has known W and me a long time. He said, "You've always reminded me of Hawkeye Pierce, from MASH: irreverent, sometimes caustic, sometimes annoying. But a heart of gold, would do anything for a friend, and very good at what you do. And now, at middle age, after all these years, it seems your W is looking for someone like Fred Rogers: someone gentle and inoffensive." So, I aspire to be more like Mr. Rogers, but I guess I'll always be Hawkeye; it's who I am and whom W fell in love with. And like everyone here, I evaluate comments from real life friends who know me and W against those from strangers on the interwebs.
Participants here are either those seeking comfort or those offering comfort. I regard originators of threads to belong to the former group, and commenters in the latter. For the latter group, in the absence of an "unfriend" option, there is always the option to "unfollow."
Meanwhile, in the real world, it has been an intense week of collaborating with others on a project bringing me closer to my soul's aspiration: to build communities in developing countries to alleviate poverty, while protecting the environment. This activity followed a pattern: in what should be a joyful time, I get hit with a wave of grief. My wise and loving sister, a trained psychologist, offered this golden, therapeutic nugget: over more than 30 years of marriage, the synapses triggering joy are so correlated with my experience of W. Just understanding the physiological basis for the pattern helps me anticipate and ride the emotional waves.
And it also helps me exercise patience with W. When W suffered from depression years ago and aborted her individual therapy sessions, an opportunity to reboot those synapses was missed. If she does regain that joy, with or without me, I will be happy for her.
