I do need to 2x4 you on your last statement to her. You did pretty well, though I would encourage you to do more listening and validating, until that last statement:
"I'm also sorry for the choices you are making."
That was dripping with judgment and accusation.
Her:"I'm sorry this isn't going the way you want." You:"Thank you for that. Life doesn't always go the way we want, but there are better days ahead."
or "Thank you for that. I can understand how all of this must make you feel."
Steve, why even respond to that garbage? And if you do respond, why shield her from her own actions?
His W isn't actually sorry that things aren't going the way Niall wants them to go. She just feels bad about being an adulterer. I think no response or an honest response is better. But to thank her and say things will get better? I wouldn't. Then she just keeps the onus of her actions on Niall.
Niall, my W was whining and crying in MC one time and said "When you say that I left OM's bed and came and got in the MB with you it made me feel like a slut". Well, guess what? You should feel like a slut. That is a slutty thing to do! Not my fault.
Because things WILL get better. Notice I didn't say "there are better days ahead FOR US". Nial, trust me. When this is all said and done, no matter what happens with your marriage, you will be better for it. It is hard to realize that in the thick of our sitches, but look at the people that post here that have come through it. Some saved their marriages. Some did not. But we are all better, wiser, happier people today than we were before!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
