Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

I do need to 2x4 you on your last statement to her. You did pretty well, though I would encourage you to do more listening and validating, until that last statement:

"I'm also sorry for the choices you are making."

That was dripping with judgment and accusation.

Her:"I'm sorry this isn't going the way you want."
You:"Thank you for that. Life doesn't always go the way we want, but there are better days ahead."

or "Thank you for that. I can understand how all of this must make you feel."

Steve, why even respond to that garbage? And if you do respond, why shield her from her own actions?

His W isn't actually sorry that things aren't going the way Niall wants them to go. She just feels bad about being an adulterer. I think no response or an honest response is better. But to thank her and say things will get better? I wouldn't. Then she just keeps the onus of her actions on Niall.

Niall, my W was whining and crying in MC one time and said "When you say that I left OM's bed and came and got in the MB with you it made me feel like a slut". Well, guess what? You should feel like a slut. That is a slutty thing to do! Not my fault.

That's my instinct too and probably why I said what I said. But so much of this is about resisting those instincts and doing what's effective rather than what feels good. I think she should marinate in her guilt a bit but she won't be open to hearing that from me right now. Probably counterproductive. I probably should have said nothing or something like, "I'll be fine."