Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

About 5 years ago we met another couple who lived about 10 minutes away. They invited us over a few times and we became friends. Myself more than my W. 4 years ago they ended up moving right next door. Since then I've become very close friends with both of them but my W, who was pretty antisocial until this early-onset MLC or whatever it is, never did.

Yesterday the guy asked me to come over and watch our local baseball team's first game with him. I used to be a huge baseball fan, watched or listened to most games, went to the ballpark 10-15 times a season, occasional out-of-town trip to see my team on the road. The past few years life has given me more important things to deal with, and W is not so big a fan, so I watch much less. But I always like to watch on Opening Day. It's like a rite of passage for me, the true beginning of spring and the gateway to endless summer nights. So I said yes.

Until about 6 months ago, my W had to handle our D2's bedtime routine every night because, if anyone else tried, D2 would yell for Mommy. We instituted a new routine last fall and W and I would read/play with her, all of us together, for an hour before bedtime. Then I would handle the actual bedtime. D2 has never been a good or willing sleeper so I'd have to march her back to bed multiple times.

Now I do the entire bedtime routine, reading time and sleep time, about 90% of the time. W is on her phone, working out, in the shower, whatever. W does it only if I have a commitment out, and generally has to deal with D asking for me the whole time. Last evening, approximately the following conversation:

Me: I'm going next door now. Thanks for handling bedtime.
W: Sure, you do it all the time.
Me: Right, I do it all the time. So when I don't do it, it's outside the norm. So thanks.
W: I want you to feel free to go do things and have fun. And I want to go out and have fun too without feeling guilty.
Me: You should do whatever you think is best.
W: OK. But you should be free to have fun too.
Me: I appreciate that. For me it's about finding the right balance between doing things outside the house that I enjoy and meeting my responsibilities to D2.

W: I'm sorry this isn't going the way you want.
Me: I'm also sorry for the choices you are making.

She started to say something but didn't. I left.

So here's my question. W at the moment feels like going out 3-4 times a week, mostly these days with possible OW2. I have friends and things I'd like to do, I'm trying to GAL, but if I'm going out a couple of times a week myself it just feels a little like tit-for-tat. It also feels like my D2 is caught in the middle as both parents go about staking their claim to nights out. I suppose that, if there is a D, my D2 will mostly be with only one parent at a time. This still feels kind of wrong. How have people dealt with that?