Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife #2

[LH19]

So then I recognized the anger emotion and when not used too strongly, also has some very inspirational characters for the WW sitch.

Anger can be a great motivator when used correctly. Think about in Rocky IV when Rocky crumbled the picture of Drago that was on his mirror after looking at it everyday while training.

In short it was a small spat and I backed right away from it and basically apologized and said yes please take it! Then she left and I felt bad/guilty because I knew the conversation should have never went there. I wanted to text and apologize again after she left - then it hit me. No F-her. I shouldn't have made it a big deal, but who the F cares.

Its ok to stand for yourself when appropriate. If you didn't want to give it up then you shouldn't have. Just don't stand for something and then back down when she gets mad. That makes you look weak.

Is this little spat really going to make a big different 6-12 months down the road? NO. I'm mad, I'm betrayed, she is Wayward and GGW.

I agree it means nothing.

I don't give a Shut that she is a little pissed off. And why should I?

You shouldn't. Water off a ducks back.

Why cant I be Pi$$ed? and show some of it?

Who said you can't?

If you cant tell my point is: if we are to detach, anger is a great motivator and me attaching to the idea that I've been betrayed and I am angry and I don't care to make every little aspect easy for her.

You shouldn't make it easy for her. Every move you make should be regarding what is best for you and the kids.

I'm pi$$ed so what. As long as I'm not pursuing - what do I care what she thinks right now. It's already going to get worse before it gets better. Why do i have to be so "careful" all the time?

You don't. The thing is if anger was one of her complaints against you then she will think this is more of the same from you.

I'm having a hard time understanding detachment that coincides with waiting for her. I guess I'm just more black/white. Either in or out.

I will post my version of detachment below. It is currently how I live my life. I think you may be confused. No one is saying to wait for her. You definitely need to be moving forward. When you attain true detachment you will be happy one way or another. If she wants to recon fine. If not, that is ok too. I live my life like my ex is never going to want to recon. I never pursue. I do not analyse to death anything she says or does. I do not long for her or my old life. Having said all that if she wanted to recon I would at least have to think about it RIGHT NOW. She is the mother of my children and we have a lot in common. We just came from two families who are both horrible in relationships so of course we adopted the characteristics.

After reading Sandi's post about the process and time for the U-turn, tonight I'm leaning towards just being done! and that feels like detachment! Of course this might change tomorrow but it doesn't mean it's not real or relevant as a factor.

That's because right now you are on top of the roller coaster and slowly moving towards the big drop.

Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.

Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos.

The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.

I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.