In my own situation, it took my xh about 5 1/2 years before he wanted to be friends after he destroyed everything good in the world of "us". I told him that if I didn't accept that horrible behavior from others, I would not accept it from him. He couldn't understand that I wasn't going to sweep everything under the carpet and forget about it. I do think that they don't realize all that they have done and when they reach out and want to be friends w/their former spouses, they do not understand all that took place.
My xh apologized for his behavior throughout our 25 years marriage, but not once has he apologized for his horrible behavior since 1998 onward. To him, it never happened.
As for truly wanting to know what goes through his mind, I wouldn't touch that mind w/a ten foot pole. It's tainted and toxic from years of neglect, booze, etc.
Tad, you are a good guy, don't allow thoughts of her wanting to be friends as anything more than just touching base. You have to remember that the "friend" thing to them is entirely different than being true friends.
I enjoy all of your nature photos. Hope kitty eventually opts to come inside permanently. You are a good father to humans and animals.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
