Sorry it's taken a while to respond. Life with kids
Verbal abuse can be more subtle than physical abuse. It is not always about name calling, it is not stamping their feet and beating their chest or yelling "YOU STUPID [censored]". It can be so much more subtle.
My H has never called me names. He knows better. He has never hit me. He knows I would not and would never have stood for that. Instead, he would say things like "YOU'RE being ridiculous", "YOU spent too much money on ... ", "WE are going to be late because YOU [did X, said Y]", "This [sofa, fridge, photo frame] YOU bought looks cheap", "YOU let the girls watch TOO MUCH TV".
Power, control and intimidation.
Watch for the signs. It is early days, and the stress of what is going on will make the need for control stronger. Don't test him, but tread carefully and just watch. If he is serious about doing the work, then you will see the changes. His behavior needs to be consistent over a long period of time.
The last time my H and I had an R conversation was back in October (after I saw him out on a date). There was no yelling. He was right to start dating (he had moved out for seven months) but he also should have been transparent about it. For the first time he was almost apologetic. Guilt maybe. I don't know. During this conversation I said to him that even if he wanted to come home I would say no because he hadn't finished his journey. And I meant it. I love my H but I will not take him back until he has worked through his [censored].
