P Jam I've been studying women relationships and attraction for 25 years and I still suck at it, but also understand it somewhat well. The path towards separation and divorce is new to me however. Haven't been down that road yet so all my previous relationships have been clean breaks, which allowed quicker time to heal, without all the financial and legal mess. I've assessed all my previous relationships and realized that when I started them I was attractive, I was confident, I was secure and financially independent. I was flirtatious and sexual and interesting, and I really didn't care what the outcome was whether it was one date or 20. I've come to realize that once every one of my gf's and STBXW finally discovered all my insecurities and vulnerabilities they are no longer attracted to me. Some are willing to put up with it for the long haul as long as you correct it ASAP. When they nag on you about these things and you get defensive, stone wall, or just ignore it or dismiss it, they think that they have done everything to tell you these things, and when they BD you, you wind up in shock thinking it wasn't that bad, and they say "too little too late."
Even though I don't understand women as much as I like to think I do, and am having trouble myself implementing everything I'm learning here and elsewhere. Let me ask you this question? In a normal self-respecting, individual differentiating healthy marriage, or relationship.
In a hypothetical scenario. Not necessarily your own situation. If youre W thought very highly of herself and had a lot of self respect for herself. If you cheated on her, what do you think her actions would be? Do you think she would try to convince you of what limerace is? Do you think she would beg you to stay? Do you think she would ask you why she isn't good enough? If she had any self worth and self respect and value, she wouldn't be doing any of these things.
Although I'm being presumptuous. I think if she had that much self respect, in this hypothetical scenario, she would find the nearest lawyer, not speak with you. then file for divorce. If she was more of a compassionate person at the very least she probably wouldn't speak to you and separate, and ask you to leave. She would let you go and "open the cage door" because "she is the prize in her mind" on this hypothetical situation. This is how most attractive women think, and attractive men as well. Feelings change, they can change back with attractiveness.
Here's something I came across that might help you gain a little insight from my own research into the subject for myself.
As Steve 85 here mentions look up self differentiation in relationships. Also try looking up the different personality types in relationships, as well as cluster personality disorders in relationships. Try to gain some insight on people that are attractive and successful in relationships and why. It kind of comes down to the whole Alpha Beta male thing again but whatever. What I'm trying to say is you have to be the prize you have to be the man only a fool would leave.
She has to realize her guilt by actions and consequences. Not by you telling her. You telling her to make her feel guilt/re Morse is like you trying to tell her "she is in a limerance phase" She's not going to see it or want to hear it from you.
