Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife #2

[P_Jam]

PJ,

It's ok to do the things you need to get done around the house as long as you are not looking for a reaction from her when you do it.

You are new to the game and are learning the rules. This $hit isn't easy and it takes time. Keep posting and keep asking questions.

LH,
I was not trying/expecting to get any outward reaction. My intent was to show that 1. 180 <-- ready to do what I've been talking about. 2. Show that life goes on with or without her and that is what I'm going to focus on As well as needing stuff to keep me busy.

I know I need to NOT do things for her reaction - period. But we all know that until full detachment almost EVERY move has SOMETHING to do with her. At least until she is out of the house and not able to see it all first hand. So although I get the point it's completely unavoidable. Even doing 'nothing' is a choice and has the possibility of being interpreted as something by her.

This too is why I seem to be so torn between the "mystery" and "tough love". I try, but can't see how any of my comments about her actions would actually 'hurt' the sitch. That's one reason I'm so drawn to it. I don't see the downside. She cheated (multiple times) and yes I'm hurt and mad while also being willing to move one all at the same time. Due to the experience of the board I will probably still stick to what you and AS have stated. "we both have individual stuff to work on before we can have that conversation". However, you have to remember that I might have went farther than most in bugging the house. I have been able to hear all different sides of her story as well as the emotions she is going through that were not conversation meant for me to hear. So i'm aware of where some of her regrets/thoughts are. I know for my own sanity this is not good - which is the main reason I stopped. But it doesn't change the fact that I know there is some fear/regret/surprise going through her head about what she has done. That I want to capitalize on. I'm not delusional to think that my statements will cause u-turn in the sitch. Only that it might help affect her in getting help (IC) to discover from a 3rd party that this is fantasy land. I'm only trying to minimize her going down the rabbit hole farther and acknowledging that her actions are WAY OUT there. As she obviously believes she has a reason for the first PA (me and the R) but was surprised about her latest drunken action - doesn't seem to hurt the overall sitch. - correct again if I"m wrong. I'm a big 'debater' but I do take a lot of the advise. I'm just not good at taking it blindly. I need to understand how it helps/hurts.