As LH lined out there is nothing you can do right now or any time soon to make a difference. Do what you want, say what you want she doesnt care. You can do nothing to help but quite a bit to hurt it. If you ever want a shot in the future the sooner you start laying the ground work for that to happen the better
(Me slapping my forehead) If she asks: After everything that has happened, I need time and space to think about what I want in the future.
LOL!!
I guess I just can't seem to comprehend how the soft 'mystery' approach is better than the in your face tough love approach.
Although I do understand now how/why not to say things like: This is your relationship to save.. etc.. This makes sense to me.
As far as the other specific comments you made to my earlier post (Thanks!). I know from her perspective that definitely could be how she is taking it. That being said I"m not sure what else I should have done. I was planning to get the house painted this year anyway (things just worked out to jump on it now), we already had the light I was 1. just keeping busy 2. taking the leadership to get things done (some 180). Damned if you do, damned if you don't. so I feel okay that I "DID".
Nanny.. probably the wrong term. It's more about having my own resources for babysitters or people to help me pick up the kids from school daycare when I'm tied up with work. My W has been very protective of who watches our kids (as I have one with unique issues (not quite special needs) but high risk allergies). So our child care has only revolved around her family. So I needed to get my own resources set up.
in short.. yes too little too late (she has said this once to me when I had a conversation about her going out) basically I said I didn't care she can do what she wants. But generally I still feel that she should see some of my 180's even if it is too late.
H(me:) 44 W: 45 T: 16yrs M: 13 S: 9 S: 6 Pre BD (not really recognized by either) 8/18 PA 11/18 PA suspected 12/22/18 (Denied) PA confirmed 12/28/18 PA #2 (Different) 2/16/19 S: 4/7/2019
W: Are we still working on this relationship or not?
Me: I will not be in an open marriage/relationship with you. Nor will I 'wait' around and try to compete with: James -EA Parker EA/PA Or random guys that you want to sc&ew in your car.
First, when she asks if you're working on things, what you need to hear in your head is "Are you still on as Plan B?" Because that's really what she's asking. Just respond with something like "I think we both have a lot of work we need to do on ourselves before we get to the point of discussing that."
EDIT- time to start a new thread! Use the same title with "part 2" after it. Link your last post in this thread to the first post in the new one, and link your first post in the new one to this thread and type a brief synopsis in your first post of the new one.
