Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

Ovr, thanks for your insights. From my POV I have stopped pursuing but she does still feel the pressure despite that.

If I've had some NGS, she also always used to be overly tuned into people's feelings and I think, on some level, she feels some guilt over all this while telling herself she deserves to be selfish for a while. So she goes out, I ask no questions and say nothing, but she's still inventing a narrative where I'm smothering her. I'm not quite sure what to do about it, other than try to do better at not seeming upset about any of this. That's been a real struggle. Fake it until I make it, I guess.

I haven't been snooping although it's my natural inclination now. I never was suspicious before learning about OW1. When I saw OW2 had same profile pic as my W, I did click on it to see who the h*** she was. Not quite at the point where I completely don't care who she's out with.

You're actually wrong about the counselor. The counselor was very anti-divorce and found my W's attitude extremely troubling, esp. with a small child involved. First (and only) joint session she asked us point blank if we'd commit to a real effort and swear off other people while we worked on this. Wife said yes then, I learned the one time I looked in her phone, immediately afterward texted BFF to make fun of me and ask how to get OW1 alone.

My issue with the counselor is that she wasn't proactive at all and her view on whether we had a chance changed each week based on what she heard. I wanted the counselor to provide a little more stable perspective, the emotional rollercoaster was already operational without the counselor steering it.

R2C, it's true that it is not working for me. A couple of times I have thought about just leaving but have decided, for now, to stay for my daughter. There are complications that make it hard for me to leave without moving several hours away. Every now and then I reevaluate that choice. For me personally, distance would make it much easier.