Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[LH19]

My comments below are from your girl friends point of view:

The begging and pleading proceeded for a couple of weeks after I confronted her. In hindsight this might have been better if I knew about DB, but I've also heard that it's not so bad to show some fight/support for the marriage at first anyway.

He is begging and pleading for another chance when I cheated on him. His value has dropped in my eyes.

Within all of this time frame I have jumped to have the house painted (the colors she always wanted - although they were well agreed to over a year ago so not like I was throwing it in her face too much). Replaced and built all bedroom furniture for the guest room (this is the stuff she is taking). Replaced aging chandelier that has been on the to-do list for a while since we shopped for the light together - it was just too high for me to replace.

Oh now he's going to do all the things I wanted done for years. Too little too late.

Doing everything I can to do kids lunches, arrange for new nanny/babysitters that support ME and my needs after she is gone (this was normally handled by her parents/niece).

Oh now he's going to make the kids lunches and arrange babysitters. Too little too late.

Have not had any relationship talks at all in the last 3 weeks. Pulled away enough that she has confronted me twice about being more 'friendly' in the house. One exception to relationship talk was when we met to discuss how we were going to tell the kids. During this conversation I did give her one more chance to reconsider (futile as leases were already signed) - but I just asked.. "Are you sure this is what you want" - she said "No, but we are here now and we need to move forward". - I agreed and that was it.

Of course now he's going to walk around the house acting like a dick because i won't give him another chance. Well he just gave me another chance to reconsider so he's still on the hook. I'll throw him a bone and say "no I am not sure" to keep his hopes up.

But I don't say goodbye when I leave.

LOL. He thinks he's punishing me by not saying good bye.


The rest are just my comments:

From my perspective, the ONLY thing missing is true emotional detachment - which I don't believe is realistic for ANYONE this early.

You are correct. Most likely 6 months to a year for true detachment.

His wife is a well qualified special needs teacher who is also going to be helping with nanny duties. My summer is set for GAL already and she knows it!

Why do you need a nanny? You should be spending as much time with your kids as possible when you have them.

After that it was all about them and the paperwork was never that important.

My guess is it was very important to her.

This is important because; I'm the only one with an attorney right now.

That's good that you got an attorney.

But I'm also making it clear that this issue is 'completed' and if she so chooses to come back - we will address those issues then. I have also continued to tell her (every time she confronted me) - this is her relationship to save - not mine! Our first 'marriage' is over. If/when you want a new one with me - let me know.

DO NOT MENTION THIS AGAIN. Stop making her believe she can come back whenever she wants and work on the relationship.

I will say it again. You want her to wonder what you're thinking, and from this point forward you shouldn't tell her anything about your frame of mind -- nothing at all.