Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

ST, I'm so sorry for all you have gone through and for the filing. I've read some of your story along with many others in recent weeks.

I will try -- harder -- to follow your sage advice. I think I had some nice guy syndrome for a long time. In the beginning I was successful professionally and more experienced in the world, she was young, unemployed, in an new place, language barrier, etc. I just got used to having to help her with certain things and it's been a hard habit to break.

I went from OK-dad to Superdad over this time. Everyone, including W, has noticed. I still have stuff I need to work on.

I stopped directly pursuing for the most part four months ago. Twice since I thought, wrongly, that she was giving me an opening and it turned out badly. But either her projection or my poor poker face has led her to say that she knows I'm not happy with her late-night activities. Honestly I've been encouraging her to have some fun with friends for years and, until starting her current job, she had little interest or energy. I'm of course not happy with late-night activities coming in the context of infidelity and checking out on our relationship.

Sept - Nov all I wanted to do was discuss the R. I was willing to face what I did to get us to this point. Turns out she's decided she's earned the right to do whatever she likes and has no interest in looking at how her own behavior is wrong. So these days I almost never text her or initiate conversations at all, let alone R talks. I don't ask her to do anything with me and I don't ask her where she's going, etc., although she still accuses of me of it.