Sorry about the rant - just need to blow off steam.......Well, here I am again - thought the struggle was over in my own mind. Divorce at Decree Nisi stage, financial issues sorted and waiting for court approval and then the final stretch to end my 26 year marriage.
I am 18 months post separation now and some days I feel so strong and confident and other days so lost and alone. I have worked very hard at getting a life and getting to know me again and I am extremely comfortable with myself, my life, career etc so why do I feel like a part of me is missing and why do I miss my stbx so much.....
The saddest part about all of this is that 5 months ago I met a fantastic guy who treats me like a queen and is kind, thoughtful and everything any woman could only dream of and yet I dont believe I feel like I should about him - I feel numb...... its like a part of me still hopes that my marriage can be restored and in my mind if I allow myself to get involved with someone else there would be no chance of that happening......
Are these feelings I am having "normal" - the doubts, the hope, the anger/love roller coaster ride. Sometimes I think I am going crazy. I really long to just let go and move on but something holds me back.......
I know I must sound like a desperate/ needy woman but I am everything but those things - when I think with my head, I am completely detached from my stbx - his life and the OW - I accept his choice and his desire to be with her but my heart longs for him - I wonder if part of this is because I have always felt I never had a choice in my marriage ending and we didn't get the chance to try and rebuild something new (he didn't want to).
Apologies once again for the vent - but it helps to get advice.......help......
