I didn't hear from H for 8 days. Then, random text "I think I caught the norovirus on the plane. Awful. Still recovering. 2 days since I ate". We went back and forth a bit about his symptoms and I even offered to bring him Gatorade. Why I did? Who knows? I didn’t wait to respond. That’s part of the problem. He said he bought all he needed. (His GF probably brought it over for him). Then another text many hours later asking whether his hiccups that lasted for 17 hours is a bad sign of something.
I guess H was looking for all that wonderful sympathy I used to give him. I threw a little his way. Nothng since.
What the heck? I just think it's weird. Temp check. I failed, I think. Oh well. Move forward.
Anyway......In just a little over a month, my daughter will be home from college for the summer. Can't wait to have her around! Really looking forward to it! We are already making some plans of things to do together. S21 will probably stay at school and take a few classes. He hasn't been able to secure an internship unfortunately. That makes me worried as he graduates next year.
I’m working hard on further detachment. It's been a real struggle. I still think too much about what H is up to. I’m using my time with lots of GAL activities, and being proactive in getting all finances documented… assets, debts, etc. so if D looms, I will be able to just hand over the info to the attorney. I've decided to start planning trips and activities in the future with a traveling group or a friend. I feel like that will help me detach. I think in the back of my mind I didn’t want a big trip planned not knowing where my relationship will be at that time in the future. I was putting my life on hold. It kept me a bit stuck, I think.
I’m also starting a few projects around the house….painting, removing/replacing some old furniture. I plan to stay no matter what, so I might as well make it like I want it. Should I end up single one day, I just might get a boarder, so I’m keeping that in mind with some of the changes. I’ve been sprucing up the front with lots of potted flowers. They make me happy. I always have cut flowers on the kitchen counter too. They just make me feel good. I find that these little things help my overall mood.
I’ve been wondering about how many LBSs ended up filing for D themselves instead of waiting for their S to do it. I’m curious about your reasons. Did you just get tired of waiting? Did you find someone else? I’m not ready to do it quite yet, but that thought is becoming more and more frequent.
My trip planning, planning fun things to do with the kids over the summer, home projects, and all my GAL activities are part of my overall plan to starting living like I’m single (without the dating). Like there is no H out there. I’ve realized that a lot of my activities had me wondering if H would like to go with me (to see the kids), or what would he say if I went here or there. Still wondering about Hs plans for his future. Does it matter? No, no really. I realize I just want to know because I want to know. It’s preventing me from detaching fully. I’ve got to stop it. It’s useless.
So, my new “single” me is going to have a new mindset. I plan to live my life like God would want me to, and turn over H to God and just pray that H finds his way with God’s help. I need to get out of God’s way so he can do his work.
P.S.
In January, I posted a few goals.
1. Learn to make Artisan breads, 1 a month – I’ve only done one batch, but it was so big, that’s the only one so far. Just took the last out of the freezer. Time to look for another recipe. (It was so good!)
2. Learn how to knit – Been looking for a class. But, tonight at church, they were talking about crocheting prayer shawls to send on mission trips, and they are going to have a class to learn how to crochet! So, I think I’ll start there!
3. Clean out 1 closet a month. I’ve done a closet, and our bonus room. I might tackle another closet this weekend. So, on tract with that one!
